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JOHN Grisham wrote “Skipping Christmas” that morphed into the movie, “Christmas With the Kranks,” and I don’t remember reading or watching both since they were published/shown in 2001 and 2004, respectively. Which could be 1961 and 1964 to a sweet sixteen in 1980 who, of course, would rather read and watch a recently released book and movie than those that she believed belonged to her parents’ generation.

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The holiday madness has begun and the question that may hover overhead is if it’s possible for a Pinoy to skip Christmas. Imagine this: no last-minute shopping for gifts, no long lines at the cashier and the gift-wrapping section, no exchange gifts, no parties, no party themes, no need to look for costumes, no lechon, no paksiw, no ham. Instead, you can bond with family and friends sans the stress of choosing the perfect gift and planning the most delish buffet.

But on Friday night, we were shopping at one of Cagayan de Oro’s malls which now closes at midnight on weekends as part of its Christmas strategy, er, service to humanity. We arrived there at 9:30 pm after attending a meeting and were supposed to try the cakes at a newly opened café along Luna Street, but since we didn’t like the location of the only table left—the counter by the window—we took photos of its mantra instead: “Happiness in every slice.” Hmmm. Promise, ha? Because we’re definitely going back within this year. And this year has only two weeks left! Definitely panic time for unaccomplished resolutions.

Eating out in December is “redundant” since attending parties is already some kind of eating out. If you still dine at restos in between parties, you’re probably a stranger in your own house by now.

Eat in pud ‘pag may time. Otherwise, you’ll gain at least two pounds per day.

Two pounds?! Yes, two pounds. I should know—based from experience. Hehe.

Weighing yourself right after waking up may add more waking to the body as you see the pounds on the weighing scale. What the…?! Until you remember your food intake the day before: nine pieces of siomai and an ensaymada for afternoon snacks, buffet dinner at the meeting, caffe mocha and sausage and bacon flatbread at a café right before midnight. And that Realization 101 happens while looking forward to another Christmas party—lunch at the beach. Lechon na pud. Yay.

On Saturday morning, the neighbor across the street was preparing for a party and was telling her house help on where to put the tables and chairs. She’s always like this: her voice echoes in this corner of the barangay, can’t help but listen to her talk. Which does make me wonder if my voice also “travels” in the neighborhood when the construction sites’ backhoe and bagger mixer are not making noise.

This is a quiet neighborhood when there’s no ongoing construction nearby. We could hear the tuko saying, “Tuko,” on the hour. Or is that every 30 minutes?

The days are now cooler, thanks to Christmas weather. Stores are selling winter clothes—jackets, sweaters, cardigans, thermal inner wear, beanies, gloves, shawls, scarves, etc.—which may make the Cagayanon shopper wonder when he can use these while in Cagayan de Oro (CDO). And then, he celebrates Christmas and New Year in Baguio where he finally experiences a eureka moment: Aha!

Wish ko lang all places in Pinas are as cool as Baguio. But its recent visitors are saying it’s no longer the Baguio that they remember. Which a nostalgic Cagayanon may also feel when he comes home after several years of working abroad: This is not the CDO that he remembers.

CDO happens to be the name of a processed food company whose products include ham, and CDO, the City of Golden Friendship, has been trying to carve its own identity by changing its initials to CdeO. But at least one Cagayanon thinks that the food firm should be the one changing its name since the city was founded way before CDO began processing meat. Hmmm. Esep-esep.

What’s in a name? Well, ask Prince William whose complete name is William Arthur Philip Louis Windsor. But if we were to include here the longest name per the Guinness World Records, surely it will require the same space for that of a column.

Lucky are the Chinese whose names can be a syllable, i.e., Bruce Lee, Jet Li, Gong Li. If ever there’s a speed contest for writing one’s own name, they’ll win.

By the way, the Chinese New Year next year will welcome the Year of the Pig. Yay! The year for my piggies! But will that save the pig from morphing into lechon and ham? Tsk tsk.

Meanwhile, there’s no skipping Christmas in Pinas where the holiday season starts on Sept. 1. Lechon pa more. Oink.

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