Spring cleaning

Netnet Camomot

FIRST, read the newspapers—to reduce that pile to zero. Then, the magazines—so, they can be recycled and sent to sis-in-law’s clinic. And last but definitely not least—the books, which, for now, are merely house décor.

Spring cleaning in a country with two seasons—dry and wet—can inspire you to retitle this purging to dry or wet cleaning. If it’s a sunny day, that’s dry. If rainy, wet.

To one with a green mind, it’s always wet. And that has no connection whatsoever with spring cleaning. As for the green mind, it thinks of trees only if a particular position needs them as props.

Reading newspapers nowadays is more relaxing than reading a Facebook newsfeed. Haven’t you noticed? There’s Facebook Live of TV news, Facebook Live of a comedian putting on makeup, Facebook Live of a Dutertard ranting about the Parojinogs. Better that than Facebook Live of a shooting. No, not shooting a movie, nor shooting in a movie. Real shooting. Rat-a-tat. As if we haven’t had enough of the Marawi siege, airstrikes, and drug raids.

Each time you’re watching or reading any news, though, keep in mind that there’s a spin doctor now basing his future spinning on your reaction. Kung mokagat ka, well and good. Kung deadma ka, he’ll think of something else to evoke any reaction from you.

The spin doctor works behind the scenes, and is an expert in making himself invisible. Like a troll? Hmmm.

The spin doctor produces every imaginable or unimaginable story to keep his client relevant. Showbiz celebrities have already learned that any good or bad news about them alerts the madlang pehpohl. If bad news is indeed bad, Hayden Kho and Maricar Reyes would have lost their luster right after their sex video became, uh, public property. As for Katrina Halili, though, “Careless Whisper” pa more.

In the movie, “Finally Found Someone,” John Lloyd Cruz plays the role of a PR guy hired by a mayor whose son has recently abandoned his bride not exactly at the altar but in the car—she was waiting inside the bridal car when she learned her groom is going to be as absent as you when you opted to watch that movie instead of attending your afternoon classes.

Anyway, the abandonment is not good news for the mayor since I think he was grooming his son to be the next mayor? Gosh. Senior moment pa more. How could I remember the story of a movie I don’t like? That’s the question.

Anyway again, the mayor and his son gained bashers after the cancelled wedding, and they now need a spin doctor to make them look good. That’s when you’ll start to see the behind-the-scenes for a wag-the-dog goal.

There’s at least one incumbent senator who began his media outreach before 2010. At that time, the response was, Who’s he? Nowadays, he’s on TV, in Senate hearings, and there’s a possibility for his siblings, who are now active in their hometown’s politics, to join the fray in the national level.

Involvement in politics, or any kind of notoriety, er, popularity has to start somewhere, provided the character is committed to be exposed to the world. Once he hesitates, though, he should say goodbye to that exposure, or say hello to a much smaller—teeny weeny—level of exposure. It’s much like coming out of the closet. Once you’re out of that closet, you’re free! But while imprisoned in there, you won’t be able to breathe, and you have to be careful with everything—the way you move and talk, the way you move your hands and lips, the way you shriek when there’s a mouse. Even your clothes have to be carefully chosen.

Good thing for Charice who’s now Jake Zyrus, and Bruce Jenner who’s now Caitlyn Jenner. People around them may have stopped breathing, shocked at the metamorphosis, but at least Zyrus and Jenner are breathing now, and there are people who have learned to accept them as they are.

Being a drug lord, though, also needs another kind of closet to hide in, and he’s found out only through, hmmm, word of mouth? Because only a drug raid can force him to leave that closet. That is, if a drug raid is enough to encourage him to be true to himself. Most of the time, he’d rather hide forever and ever.

The third mayor’s death should serve as lesson learned for other alleged drug lords to keep a low profile—shun the mansions and Hermes bags. The third mayor did have a mansion which he supposedly destroyed to help him return to a low profile. But his brother still has a mansion, and his daughter has a collection of Hermes bags. That’s a sad life, eh? To be so rich you can already afford everything and anything but struggling to maintain a low profile. But at least the simple life won’t require any spring cleaning.