Silver lining

By MC VALLEDOR
Contributor

SUDDENLY, everyone is looking on the bright side of Trump. They are picking the secret, pleasant side of Donald Trump that got lost in the bustle of the US election campaign, behind all the vile politics.

It began with his victory speech in the early hours of Nov. 9, a speech that news reporters suddenly acclaimed “hits exactly the right tone,” not least in his seemingly new promise to be “a leader for all Americans.” It is not completely clear what experts were rather expecting: the immediate imprisonment of Muslims? A vow to send police officers to Hillary Clinton’s house that same day? Maybe he would pull back his disguise and reveal himself as an apocalypse robot from the future or a Dark Lord? By the simple fact of not frothing from his mouth and spewing hate at his defeated rivals, Trump was solidly proclaimed to have become presidential.

The establishment that had turned its back from him was now trying the nail of hugging him close, offering respect and detecting a new solemnity in the president-elect. President Barack Obama was encouraged by their talk in the White House. House Speaker Paul Ryan acknowledged Mr. Trump with winning congressional seats for the Republican Party and hopes for a “unified Republican government.” Ergo, as sworn enemies search for reasons not to be afraid, here are some timely conversation starters for those now wanting to whistle a happy tune.

On Women— Listen folks, Donald Trump loves women. No one has more respect for women than the president-elect. Look at his pleasingly beautiful daughters. As a candidate, Trump perhaps skewed his policy platform towards the heterosexual steamy end of the female spectrum. However, as he pointed in a victory speech, which hit exactly the right tone, he now wills to be a president for all women, including the fat and ugly ones. No, listen, I’m serious. He wants to unite America and that means he will work just as hard for the “fours” as for the “nines.”

On other countries— Certainly, he will put America first, as he made very clear in his victory speech, which hit exactly the right tone. However, for the right terms and conditions, many countries may be able to get him to put them second or third. In the United Kingdom, Theresa May will be charmed he has disowned President Obama’s observation that a UK outside the European Union would be at the back of the queue for trade deals. Trump has already made clear that the UK might fare better. It’s not necessarily at the front of the queue, you see, but it’s definitely above Albania.

For other European leaders, there will be some uneasy policy shifts, but you know those climate change agreements were going to be hard to enforce. Some countries may be more worried, but they will only be very little ones; very, very little ones no one really cares about. As they say in the White House, Baltics Shmaltics and South China Sea headaches.

On business— He is going to have amazingly great people around him. He is moving fast to calm markets and businesses as he made clear in his victory speech, which hit exactly the right tone. With billionaire advisers like Thomas Barrack and Carl Icahn, he will bring in people who can repair America, rationalize poor states like New Mexico and Mississippi, and increase shareholder value. The markets are going to love it! There will be lots of construction work to get the American economy moving and tax cuts, too, but do not worry about the budget deficit. It will be stuffed by big corporations that have been anticipating for this chance to bring their cash profits back onshore.

On minorities— While it is true that some caustic words were thrown on the campaign trail but Trump has made very clear that he has great respect for Latinos, particularly the ones who aren’t drug dealers, rapists or robbers. They can take courage from a victory speech that hit exactly the right tone, in which he pledged to be a president for all Americans, including the brown ones who are not living in the US illegally. Muslims— well, all right, it may feel a bit dim today, but the US Constitution makes clear that the president cannot discriminate on the grounds of religion and it is not as if he will be packing the Supreme Court with conservative justices.

For certain, minorities may be disturbed by the high spirits his win has attracted from every faright radical and bigot in the United States and Europe, but none of those groups were name-checked in his victory speech, which hit exactly the right tone. There is also no clue that they will get big cabinet jobs.

So stop worrying. There is a silver lining in a Trump presidency. Cheer up. It’s going to be great, Trump-great.

(MC Valledor is based in London.)