It’s timber. It’s not a lake.

Netnet Camomot

THE US National Football League’s Super Bowl halftime show is a must-see with Michael Jackson, U2, Coldplay, Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, Madonna, Katy Perry, The Rolling Stones, Beyonce, ‘N Sync, Bruce Springsteen, Prince, Bon Jovi, Paul McCartney, Janet Jackson, Aerosmith, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Britney Spears, Stevie Wonder, etc. as some of its artists in the past.

Usually, these bands and singers would perform as a team for one show to ensure it’s bonggang bongga, i.e., Coldplay, Beyonce, and Bruno Mars were featured in 2016. Now, how could you fail with that? It’s wow wow wow to the trillionth degree.

In 2012, Madonna had some help from Cee Lo Green, Nicki Minaj, LMFAO, Cirque du Soleil, several high school bands, and a choir.

Last year, Lady Gaga was the lone performer, and that was also a trillion-degree wow. She opened her halftime show at the NRG Stadium in Houston, Texas with “God Bless America,” “This Land is Your Land,” and the Pledge of Allegiance while perched on the stadium’s ledge. Then, she belly-flopped down to the top of a tower near the stage, and began singing, “I’m on the edge…” She ended her performance with a mic drop. Wow. Goosebumps each time I watch it on YouTube. And I’m not even her fan.

The halftime show’s history can level up the audience’s expectations. Especially after Lady Gaga, how could you not expect more?

So, on Sunday (Monday morning here in Pinas), people were expecting much from this year’s featured artist, Justin Timberlake  a.k.a. JT.

And there he was, but the only thing that elicited a wow was Jimmy Fallon introducing him.

JT’s performance could be summed up with one word: Blah.

To emphasize the blah, please forgive me for using this word: literally.

I literally became sick while watching it on YouTube. I tried watching it again last Wednesday and got sick again. Watched it for the third time—for research—while writing this column, and couldn’t continue right after Fallon’s introduction. That’s how bad it was.

Okay. To give you an idea how bad it was, I’d rather watch Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, and Aerosmith—I know these three are popular, but their songs are not the kind I follow on Spotify.

I follow U2, Coldplay, Pearl Jam, Sting, The Police, etc.—that’s me. Hey, to each his own.

If only we could slap this on JT’s face: You had one job! One job!

Whew. Epic fail.

There was that other halftime show of his, in February 2004, when he “inadvertently” exposed Janet Jackson’s right breast and nipple to the world.

If ever the halftime show will dare to have him again, will that third epic fail be a charm?

People waited for ‘N Sync to appear. That was the band he belonged to once upon a time, when I became a fan of Lance Bass who has since come out as gay. Yeah, I had—and still have—poor gaydar, much like Pinas’ internet connection, always buffering, loading…

But ‘N Sync wasn’t there. He should have asked them, though, to join his performance and save him.

His song, “Cry Me a River,” was used in the title of The Guardian commentary on his performance: “Justin Timberlake is taking a Super Bowl kicking—cry me a river!” The last part of that piece had this: “He had everything—America was even willing to forgive him for a nipple! He was given privileges no female or African-American artist could dream of, and he squandered them. People aren’t really mad at you, Justin. They’re just sad about the waste.”

The nipple “accident,” which became known as “Nipplegate,” affected Janet Jackson’s career—there was chika it was a publicity stunt. But JT was able to rise and shine from it.

This year, another black artist was onstage with him. Kind of. He sang a duet with Prince. Kind of. In case you’ve been hibernating in Siberia, here’s FYI: Prince died in 2016. To make this duet possible, Prince’s image was on a screen that towered above the stage, and he still managed to overshadow JT’s performance.

Prince once had this Guitar World interview in 1998 where he revealed that duets between the living and the dead are “demonic.”

The question was: “With digital editing, it is now possible to create a situation where you could jam with any artist from the past. Would you ever consider doing something like that?”

Prince’s reply: “Certainly not. That’s the most demonic thing imaginable. Everything is as it is, and it should be. If I was meant to jam with Duke Ellington, we would have lived in the same age. That whole virtual reality thing… it really is demonic. And I am not a demon. Also, what they did with that Beatles song (‘Free As a Bird’), manipulating John Lennon’s voice to have him singing from across the grave… that’ll never happen to me. To prevent that kind of thing from happening is another reason why I want artistic control.”

But Prince was from Minneapolis, the venue for this year’s Super Bowl, thus, the tribute.

And JT picked Prince’s “I Would Die 4 U” for their duet. Talk of rubbing it in.