Toothless and blind

Rhona Canoy

SO… The city was shocked by the killing of Dr. Ricardo Rotoras, president of USTP, earlier this week. In and of itself, the crime appeared to be well-planned and heartless. And cold, surely cold. A friend asked me to write about it, but it is difficult to write just about the one deed. The loss of a human life is painful. But to have a life taken away with intent, a life that many considered was worth living, a life of someone saw to be a good man, the act then becomes a hundred times more unconscionable.

As demigods of the food chain, we pride ourselves in knowing right from wrong, good from bad. We pride ourselves in comporting ourselves as good “Christian” people. We pride ourselves for a lot of things. So we feel quite entitled to be selfighteous and judgmental. But the truth of it is that these people who are guilty of doing terrible things probably also go to church on Sundays, take communion, have wives who tend to their home altars, celebrate Christmas, pray.

A few columns back, I wrote about how surprised I was at my reaction when we were visited by nocturnal evildoers several times in a period of a month. I suppose in a way, that personal experience has colored my reaction to this grisly act of murder. My gut response is to urge authorities to find these animals, take them to the furthest forest, gut them and leave them to expire. But then wouldn’t that make me one of them?

My mom (who has seen a lot in her 93 plus years) and I had a discussion about all this violence. Her opinion was simple and straight to the point. “We cannot know what happened to cause these killers to be the way they are. But if they have such disregard for human life, then kill them all.” Which gives me an even deeper understanding of the argument about extra-judicial killings, the death penalty, martial law, even the thought of revolutionary government.

For those who have been affected by violence or invasion in one way or another (and I suppose that includes me), the instinct to respond with similar violence is visceral. “Mr. Police, kung madakpan nimo ang nag-rape sa akong anak, patya!” And the rest of the audience sits back and judges these responses. As I have always contended, we have allowed violence to enter into our day-to-day existence. We cannot argue this. In the news, in the movies, in telenovelas, in the video games we allow our children to play. It has become matter-of-fact. Most of our evening news is filled with horrific pictures of dead people splayed and bloody on the ground. Crime and violence have taken their place alongside breathing, eating and sleeping. And until it touches us directly, we are also insensitive to it.

The religious will proselytize, as is their expected expression of what they believe. Words that tell about forgiveness and salvation, of a heavenly life ever after. Of living a life on this side of the line between good and evil. I’m trying to make sense of how people can be religious and consciously do wrong. Or have these people thrown away their humanity and chosen to live an amoral life like the lowlier animals? Do they sleep soundly? Do they believe they are above accountability?

The necessity to acknowledge that violence bubbles underneath our consciousness is key. Instinctively, we are animals. And our violent nature is what we struggle to control in order to claim superiority. The need for order, the need for laws (which mostly remain ignored) provide a semblance of civility and surely a false sense or security that all is well with the world. Yes, this is a dark view. But has a grain of truth.

We loathe the people who can flit effortlessly between that moral line. Or maybe we envy them. Because it would make “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” comprehensible. The act of seeking justice is, in a way, a quest for vengeance. People who commit abhorrent acts would then know that payback is imminent. And as we Filipinos know well, vengeance knows no bounds. But is that the kind of world we really want to live in? How do we make sense of the evil that abounds? If we were truly forgiving, then rules and laws would be unnecessary. All the wrongdoer would need to do would be to seek forgiveness and absolution. And be given them. Are we truly capable? Or would I reach for the nearest hammer and pound your brains out of your head?

We might one day all find ourselves wearing sunglasses and eating oatmeal. Ponder that.