Werpa not Lodi

Rhona Canoy

SO… Every week that I do this, I’m more and more seeing a recurrent theme. And sometimes I wonder how many things I can link to this core value which I’m finding seems to be the root of all our “evils.” Some of my friends find my points of view a bit bewildering, especially with regard to the more currently volatile issues.

In a merlot-fueled discussion with Cong, I tried to explain that issues to me are transitory since I find the behaviors that accompany these issues more fascinating and certainly more clarificatory. And here’s where the recurrent theme makes its appearance. Anything and everything which results in conflict and issues seems to have to do with the balance between power (or lack of it) and respect (or lack of it). Which still boils down to the issue of respect.

I think one of the hardest things any human being has to master is the ability to wield power. Who was it who said that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely? Power at its most basic is a necessity. It is the sharpest tool in the survival toolshed. Even animals fight over power. Call it dominance, if you’re a biologist but power is what it is. Every single issue that we must face at whatever level centers on power. At home, in school, in church, at work, in society, in government. Power. And the lack of respect in wielding it.

We learn early on to be dominated by those in power. We are taught by our parents to “Do what I say,” “Listen to what I tell you,” that “I make the rules.” We take these words so much for granted, not realizing the terrible foundation that is being laid. It is my contention that respect is the most important lesson that anyone in power can teach, but rarely does. That is a lesson in and of itself. Power is never accompanied by respect, even if it should be. Which is where we get confused. We submit (most often grumblingly) to power. We are subjugated (most often resentfully) by power.

To be able to tell the difference between fear and respect, submission and respect, a sense of inferiority and respect. That is the lesson. When we fear our parents, do we respect them? When we submit to our highanking government officials, do we respect them? When we feel inferior to those with much more wealth than us, do we respect them? Actually, the question should be—do we have any idea what respect is? We look to those in positions of power to show us. What do I mean? Show me that you respect your high position of power (which I invariably helped to put you in). Show me that you respect that your power has consequence in my life. Show me that you respect me, the person whom you claim to serve with all your power. Show me. So I can learn.

The common thought is that respect must be earned. Such may be true. But how do we give something if we don’t know what it is? My word! This column is probably the one where I’ve used the most question marks. And yet the questions wait for answers. When people in power make decisions which directly affect us, do they think they owe us some respect when making these decisions? Or do they think their power exempts them from having respect? And for those who seek power, do they define what they seek based on what they have learned about power?

If one takes the time to ponder, every issue that we encounter in our lives derives from the delicate balance of power and respect. Crimes are a result of a lack of respect—whether it is theft (respect for another’s property), or murder (respect for another’s life), even jaywalking (respect for our traffic rules). Social offenses are a result of a lack of respect—whether it is infidelity (respect for one’s marriage vows), gossip (respect for another’s privacy), littering (respect for one’s environment). I could go on and on and on.

All I’m asking is for us to think about it. Yes, many philosophers think that empathy will solve the world’s problems. I think learning to give and expect respect will do a better job.