April fools

Netnet Camomot

APRIL 15 was not any other day.

It was the due date of income taxes. And when taxes are due, the income-earning Pinoy has to pay.

I belong to this group of Pinoys who have their income tax details prepared at the last minute after waiting for others to submit requirements to lessen the income tax due. Yes, it’s possible to legally reduce the amount you pay. Go ask your accountant how that goes.

Last minute, as in, me anxiously waiting for the amount of tax due, frantic calls from the accountant, messenger rushing to the Bureau of Internal Revenue office or to the bank, whichever is still open to receive payment.

If you have loads of extra cash willing to increase the national treasury, then, there’s no need to reduce your income tax payments. Go ahead, make the BIR happy.

But most Pinoys would rather pay less, or nothing at all, like some lawyers who reportedly didn’t pay taxes a few years ago. Sarap ng buhay! For, if all of us could only choose not to contribute a single cent to the national treasury, why not, coconut, right?

But the rest of us madlang pehpohl are not lawyers who have memorized laws that can defend our financial statements against rabid BIR collectors. Thus, we pay, despite the pork barrel scam, despite knowing that Janet Lim-Napoles may soon be conditionally free, no thanks to this word “bail,” and despite the many potentially grafting and corrupting political candidates running towards the May 9 election. There are too many reasons not to pay taxes, but we pay, anyway, because, like Mount Everest, it’s there.

I know you wanna wring some government official’s neck while counting the cash for your income tax payment. You want to put chains and locks and keys around that neck a la “Fifty Shades of Grey” but without the sex. Or adorn that neck with pearls and diamonds to make it look nice and pretty before reducing it to pulp, please do make sure you have removed the pearls and diamonds and put them back in your vault for security and safety, away from the hungry hands of that government official, to ensure that only the neck is reduced to pulp.

It doesn’t help that five days later, on April 20, we will be paying the quarterly business permit fees, and five days after that, on April 25, the value-added tax. And five days before April 15, on April 10, there was the withholding tax. And ten days before that, on March 31, there was the real property tax. There is no end!

All these dates are already in the minute brain, memorized, like what the lawyer has done with the laws that serve as his armor against BIR rules. But there are times when the brain forgets due dates, which almost happened for the real property taxes. There was March 31 looming overhead, but it merely wondered, March 31? What’s with March 31?

The many items in the to-do list pushed that date to the bottom of priorities, almost lost and never to be found again. That could have made some treasury guys at city hall and the municipal halls happy: Penalties! Good thing the minute brain still had some space left for that date to float into and it was able to reach the top of priorities before March 31 could morph to April Fools. Whew.

The people running towards May 9 will soon be concerned, too, with the taxes you pay. Provided of course that they win. And win they must based on their past political experience. Haven’t you noticed? Cagayan de Oro’s mayoralty candidates have been there, done that–congressman, governor, city mayor, town mayor. They don’t have gatas pa sa labi when it comes to politics.

Experience is required in other careers, it’s a must when, say, pirating the best of the best from other companies: Hey, you wanna know the formula behind that burger, better pirate the burger chain’s top chef.

In politics, however, experience in similar fields is not necessary. If you’re the greatest in boxing, you can be the country’s president before you can say, You know. And if you want to have a nice-smelling president for Pinas, go for the guy who wears Polo Blue–Manny Pacquiao. Whose latest victory is probably paving a red-carpet welcome for him at the Senate, his stepping stone for the highest throne in Pinas.

But there’s one issue that these candidates should include in their plataporma: blackouts, which have become a part of our daily routine again. Speakers at the Rotary district conference in Cotabato City had to stop talking in the middle of their speeches and presentations while waiting for the generator to work. One of those speakers was the Rotary International President’s Representative. Those were awkward moments–we could hear the clock go tick tock as the generator tried to revive itself each time the lights went pfft.

Add the heat and humidity to those blackouts, and there’s Pacman’s Polo Blue trying to survive as sweat pours down his spine. That is, if sweat can still manage to pour out of his pores as he rushes from his air-conditioned house to his air-conditioned car to his air-conditioned office. But he can always test the survival rate of his cologne at the gym or while shaking the hands of future constituents during campaign sorties.

Pacman is a lucky guy. He doesn’t need to work on name recall although his last fight didn’t generate as much power as the generator. His victory parade in Manila also didn’t have as much punch as the ones in the past, and people blamed that on the heat. Somehow Pinoys believe that Pacman would never lose his luster, for his star to continuously shine brightly, thus, they grapple for reasons behind the lukewarm response to his latest fight and victory. Gotta maintain the popularity till he becomes the country’s president.

Meanwhile, we wait for the title “boxing legend” to translate to votes in the national level as we enunciate his next title: Senator Manny Pacquiao. If the sweat pouring down your spine is not giving you shivers, then, that new title of his may soon come true.

At least you’re assured that his millions in winnings will make him give to Pinoys instead of take from Pinoys, thus, there’s less stress on the national treasury which had its recent update through the April 15 income taxes you paid.

Assured gyud? Hmmm. We can dream, can’t we?