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Rhona Canoy .

SO… I can’t really say that I obsess over things, although it seems I actually do. As I’ve gone through life, certain habits and “beliefs” have become ingrained in my consciousness. Here are a few light-hearted although thought-provoking bits of mine that I would like to share with you, for the sake of humor, sanitation and sanity.

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1. When you laugh at people’s gaffes in their presence, be prepared to accept accountability if their feelings get hurt. And be sincerely ready to apologize. Even if it was truly funny.

2. Plants and flowers inside the house are considered tasteful (?) decoration. When they get brown, dry, and crumbly—it’s time to give them a decent burial. Sentimental value notwithstanding.

3. Train your children to put their dirty clothes in the laundry hamper. It’s a habit that will serve them well in their later years, and keep mama sane in the meantime. Actually, teach them to clean the bathroom as well. And make their beds. And do the dishes. And… and… and…

4. If you only have enough money to either (a) buy cell phone load, (b) get a manicure, or (c) buy a kilo of rice, opt for the rice. Chismis can wait, and you only need a toothpick to keep your fingernails clean and presentable. But rice? Rice will stay on your waistline forever.

5. For women: If your underwear shows when you bend over to pick up something off the floor, your skirt’s too short. And please make sure the underwear is clean and has no visible holes.

6. For men: If your underwear shows when you bend over to pick up something off the floor, your pants need a belt. And they’re too low on your waist. And please make sure the elastic on your briefs is not stretched out beyond functionality.

7. If you have to lie in order to be polite, keep it vague. And make sure it won’t hold up in a court of law. Or just nod your head in silence.

8. Always be nice to children and old folks. As a matter of fact, always be nice. To everyone.

9. Don’t trust a restaurant’s food if they can’t make an effort to keep their toilets clean. That’s important. This tells you how clean (or not) their kitchen is.

10. Wait until the other person has completed their sentence before interrupting. (I’m always guilty of breaking this one. I’ll try harder.) This rule helps you avoid being told to shut up.

11. Learn one new truth every day. Even if it’s a tiny one. It helps you keep growing. Your brain needs to be used constantly for it to keep working well.

12. Remember that kids watch what you do more than they listen to what you say. Your deeds will come back to haunt you one day. And you can’t call the kids down on something you also do. Note for parents who drink and smoke.

14. It’s okay to be superstitious about the number 13. You don’t lose anything. Unless it’s one of the winning numbers on the lotto draw.

15. If you can’t have the luxury of taking a bath before going out, scrub your armpits with a wet washcloth doused in alcohol. And wash your face. And brush your teeth. And comb your hair. You can fake being presentable, but smell will always give you away.

16. Given a choice, choose to tell the truth. Second best choice: keep your mouth shut. It will save you tons of trouble further on down the road.

17. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Just walk away and shut that proverbial door behind you. Cliché but oh so true. Don’t waste your precious time.

18. You can forgive your friends anything. Unless they sleep with your wife. Or husband. Or your dog.

19. Don’t go grocery shopping when you’re hungry. You’ll spend way more than you intended, and half the stuff you buy won’t get eaten. Ever.

20. Don’t worry about what people will say about you when you die. In fact, don’t worry about what people will say about you. Worry about what you will think about yourself afterwards. That’s better.

I have hundreds more little rules like these, but this is all I’m willing to publicly share with you. The rest will probably put me in the loony bin. Just remember that life is about rules, whether we like them or not. Like Socrates said, we have to follow them, even the unjust ones. And I’m sure you’ve got crazy funny ones of your own.

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