Below the belt

Netnet Camomot .

I DID plan to go vegan during Lent despite the fact that Pope Francis didn’t expressly agree to the “Million Dollar Vegan” challenge for him. But Lent, even if it’s in Catholic Pinas, allows animal products to be in the menu, so, who am I to say no? Thus, goodbye, vegan challenge.

But once the diet is on, the tummy somehow adjusts. If you can’t relate with that, remember when Pinas had a president that never dared to say, P***ng in*? And then, the presidential campaign for Election 2016 began and all we could hear from one particular presidentiable was, P***ng in*. And then, he won.

PI used to mean Philippine Islands. Now, it’s…

Only the Dilawan seems to have not adjusted to its jarring sound.

If ever the Pinoy learns to adjust with extrajudicial killings (EJK), he may have to tame down his range of acceptance.

Drug raids sans EJKs are the better option. The multi-billion pesos worth of illegal drugs seized in drug raids would hopefully lessen the quantity of drugs for sale on the streets, and also lessen the number of EJK victims.

President Rody Duterte did say that Pinas’ drug problem has worsened. But Sen. Ping Lacson has a more positive outlook on the seized multi-billion-peso drugs: “Maybe our law enforcement has become effective and efficient.”

Maybe, perhaps, probably, possibly, could be. Anyone who knows his English also knows that these words mean nothing. In other words, di tiyak. The answer should always be yes or no, otherwise, the person asking the question would continue to float in space, unsure of the answerer’s thoughts: Ano ba talaga, Kuya? Paki-explain. Labyu.

While the Pinoy waits for the sure-na assessment of the war on drugs’ progress or regress, there’s the family of yet one more EJK victim seeking justice, thus, giving certified Dilawan Jim Paredes more grist for his anti-Duterte mill.

In this age of Facebook (FB) Live, FB Messenger video calls, FaceTime, ad infinitum, ad nauseam, one has to be extra careful in using gadgets especially when he’s exposing his too personal “gadget,” you know, the one literally below the belt. He should hide his phone if he’s walking around naked inside his house, because what if he inadvertently clicks FB Live on! Que horror! If ever he’s the kind who tends to forget anything and everything, including the many ways his smartphone’s videos could become weapons of mass destruction, that phone is better off hibernating inside a vault.

Paredes, however, was not simply walking around naked inside his house. He was masturbating inside, uh, was that his bathroom? I’ve not seen the entire video but screenshots and photos posted on FB revealed his bathroom as the venue for his sariling-sikap episode. And the only video that survived through FB’s strict censors—hehe—was Paredes showing his tongue.

With the way he moved that tongue, the madlang pehpohl could presume it wasn’t for a medical checkup for tonsillitis. That same madlang pehpohl could also presume that his tongue motion wasn’t for a man, but for a woman who must have been also engrossed in her own motions on the other side of that video call.

There was a time when phone sex bridged the gap for couples in long-distance relationships. Then, it progressed to live feeds of sariling-sikap sex through video calls.

The question now is, who was the woman Paredes was having online sex with? Will his wife rise to the occasion and reveal it was her?

Duterte fans have found an evidence against Paredes who should have been aware in the first place that anything he does outside of the holier-than-thou norm would always be used by his detractors against him.

Be reminded of this line from the Bible: “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.”

One who accuses another for being bad, has the responsibility to stay “sugar and spice and everything nice” for the rest of his life. That’s his “punishment” for being too good to be true.

Listening to Apo Hiking Society’s “Kabilugan ng Buwan” will never be the same again especially if you’ve seen the whole Paredes video: Kalibogan, er, “Kabilugan ng buwan / At ang hangin ay may kalamigan / Aakapin kita mahal ko / Sa buong magdamag.”

I was a Hajji Alejandro fan once upon a time, while a close friend was going gaga over Rico Puno. Paredes was then the guapo among the Apo trio.

My roommate at the dorm way back when, had an interesting story to tell about Apo’s Boboy Garovillo courting her eldest sister, and that somehow became the six degrees of separation between me and Apo. FB somehow reduced that separation to one or zero degree now that Paredes and Apo’s Danny Javier are my FB friends.

Smartphones and other high-tech gadgets have reduced the degrees of separation but they’ve also made people vulnerable to the negative side of social media and video calls. That’s why the need to be aware that it’s called a smartphone because it’s, well, smarter than its owner.

Lent would have been the best time to wean yourself from social media and the smartphone. There are 16 days left, in case you want to start now.