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Netnet Camomot .

THE banner headline: DU30 Sings Budget.

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President Rody Duterte sings now? No more p***ng in*?

By the way, Urban Dictionary defines “sing” as “to rat on someone, or to report on them, usually to the police.” I’m not saying the country’s president is chismoso. I’m simply sharing with you the other meaning of sing.

But the headline was upside down. Or I was upside down. Whatever. Haha.

The title is actually, “DU30 Signs Budget.” Okay. That’s better.

Budget—the magic word. More money for potential pork barrel scammers to steal. Is this in time for Election 2019? Is the budget spelled as campaign funds? Hopefully not. But there must be at least one reelectionist who wishes he can get his hands on that budget. Kawat pa more. Whew.

If this were Christmas, today would be the time to finally “Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice,” write the Christmas list, and hope there’s time to buy the perfect gift for the nice. As for the naughty, let Santa take care of them in December.

Still, the election can also be Christmas to those whose names were listed as nice by the politician who’s convinced they’ll vote for him if the price is right. But it’s on Christmas Eve, er, Election Eve, or on Election Day itself that money will flow into the hands of the vulnerable voter. The nearer to May 13, the better for name recall. Yay. Happy days are here again.

And after the election comes payback time, with the winning candidate recouping the cash gifts he gave away so generously to ensure victory—supposedly, reportedly, allegedly.

The Commission on Elections needs proof of campaign “generosity” since they can’t simply accuse anyone of vote buying if there’s no photo or video that will serve as evidence of the candidate’s “desperate times call for desperate measures.” Pinas is a democratic country after all, thus, the benefit of the doubt although the Dilawan may react to the word “democratic” with photos and videos of extrajudicial killings and human rights abuses, complete with caption: Please define democracy.

Urban Dictionary does have a definition for democracy: “Four wolves and one lamb voting on lunch.” And somehow you already know who will end up as lunch.

But the summer traveler who gets to insert a vacation before the May 13 election may not know what time or where he will have lunch as his Grab car driver travels around Bonifacio Global City and couldn’t find the Spanish resto that his passenger is looking for. Instead, he ends up at a parking area. He tries to look for the resto again and eventually reaches Burgos Circle where his passenger’s newly found favorite steakhouse happens to be located, so, the latter realizes he now wants a steak in lieu of Spanish food, and decides to avail of the buy-one-take-one angus steak promo that he opted to forgo the last time he was there. And that’s how a diet can change, thanks—no thanks?—to Grab.

Grab has indeed simplified commuting in Metro Manila where taxis used to—or still?—refuse potential passengers whose destination is not beneficial to the cab driver’s financial goal. Gone are the days when the Pinoy has to stand on the sidewalk and wait for a vacant cab to pass by. Metro Manila is especially a dilemma to car owners who have to look for parking areas otherwise his car would be towed away.

By the way, Urban Dictionary defines towed away as, “Informal, Impolite, or slang said when some one is not welcomed and yo don’t want him to be there.” Hmmm. If a political candidate goes independent after realizing there are no political parties willing to gamble on his lack of relevance, is it proper to say he was towed away? Ouch!

But the potential candidate who’s a close friend of President Duterte won’t have to worry about lack of relevance because their mere perceived closeness is already proof that the candidate can easily morph to relevant once the campaign season begins. Yay! That candidate can even make the political party more relevant due to the expected attention and financial support from Duterte’s other close friends. Yay pa more! But they can all sing only after the election, when the winning candidates have been proclaimed and now have the chance to sign government budgets.

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