Doing it

Rhona Canoy .

SO… These days, a lot of young girls are getting pregnant or are already mothers. More than 10 percent of teenage girls, for that matter. That’s quite an alarming rate if one stops to think about it. And yet it’s a subject that many parents refuse to discuss with their children, for reasons only they can comprehend. Until it’s too late. It’s a subject that is taboo, still. Until it happens, when it then is too late.

It seems to be something that we inherited from the Spanish, this idea that our daughters must be as pure as the driven snow. And the misconception (pun intended) that keeping them ignorant will keep them away from conception. The birds and the bees talk usually consists of one word: “Don’t!” And is limited to the females, for the most part. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the rising incidence of teenage pregnancy in the Philippines is actually a parental fault more than anything.

Our young people now have so much information at their fingertips, and so little parental supervision that this is truly a formula for disaster. Because we send very mixed cultural signals to our youth, we older people are unwittingly the biggest factor in all this. Why do I say so? Well, because we are still in the midst of the parental dark ages, where we believe as parents that everything we tell our children is tantamount to law. We are not comfortable discussing sexual matters with our kids, and yet this is more a necessity now than ever.

I’m not talking about discussing how girls get pregnant. That is pretty much covered in science class by the time kids get to sixth grade. It’s about all the other things which lead to making that all-important decision which, for some reason, seems to be an uncomfortable topic. We don’t talk to our kids about sexual responsibility because we fear that if we talk about it, they’re going to end up doing it. Which is actually a bit dumb, because they’re going to do it even if their parents forbid it.

It’s kind of ironic that most kids never get the real sex talk. Especially since a lot of them were created by ignorant parents who themselves got pregnant and (in those early days) had to get married because of social stigma. I’m finding that those are the parents who are most paranoid about their kids being sexually active. Hence, the reluctance to discuss it. I’m not proselytizing for young kids to canoodle. But I am urging parents to create an open and safe atmosphere to have the all-important talks.

Because of parental fear, so many kids have the attitude that sex is a taboo subject. And thus only learn from other kids who know as little if not even less than they do. If one were to stop and think about it (which one actually SHOULD), which would be the bigger error? To inform kids about the ways not to get pregnant? Or to let them find themselves pregnant because they were never allowed to discuss it frankly and openly? If we can’t keep them from having sex, shouldn’t we at least keep them from getting pregnant until they’re ready to responsibly have children? Oh, they’re going to have sex, whether we parents like it or not. We just want to believe that we are better parents that those who have the slut girl.

And it is this hollow arrogance that is going to get our kids into trouble. If we look past the social stigma of an early pregnancy, we can actually be the responsible parents we are supposed to be. And in turn we can make our children be the sexually responsible young adults they should be. It’s not about telling them it’s okay to have sex. It’s about telling them how to make responsible choices, sex included. So much fear is instilled in our teenagers about getting pregnant. Sadly, that seems to be all that we are teaching them. How to be afraid that mom and dad will find out they’re having sex.

Unprotected sex is not just being without contraceptives. When we don’t prepare our children for it, they are just as unprotected. They don’t have the mental and psychological wherewithal to think things through, and to make decisions that will keep their lives on track for the most part. Like my brother says, “Your little girl is going to get laid, whether you like it or not. It’s when that makes the difference.” Which is true. Whether she’s in high school or happily married or makes the decision to be a single mom, it’s going to happen. So be a responsible parent and make sure that your child knows all she needs to know, and that it’s okay to talk to you about it.

Oh, and it’s even more important to have the talk with the boys. They are half of the equation.