Fishy

By Netnet Camomot

“MEAT the Family” is a British reality TV show where a carnivorous family is given a pig, a chicken, a calf, or some other animal to take care of as a pet for three weeks.

But there’s a catch. An Agence France-Presse report quoted analyst Virginia Mouseler as saying, “They have to treat this animal like a member of the family for three weeks.

Then in the end they have to decide whether they put it in the oven or whether it goes to an animal sanctuary.”

I asked this same question before and here’s Daniela Neumann, head of the show’s makers Spun Gold, asking it, too: “Why do we find it acceptable to eat a lamb but we wouldn’t eat our pet dog? Could you go back to meat once you’ve put a name and face to a meal?”

There are dieters who become pescetarians for health reasons, and the ever reliable—hehe—Wikipedia describes them as “ovo-lacto vegetarians who eat seafood along with dairy products and eggs, often colloquially defined as ‘fish but no other meat.’”

And Wikipedia adds, “Vegetarian groups have had to clarify that pescetarian diets fall outside of the range of vegetarianism.”

Human beings don’t normally eat whales and dolphins, though. Imagine swimming with the whale sharks in Oslob, Cebu, only to be told an hour later that the fish for lunch is that same whale shark you were having selfies with earlier. I gotta feeling you’d rather proceed to Argao where you can feast on the yummiest torta. Or Carcar for lechon and chicharon? Gasp!

But then, a whale shark is a shark and not exactly a whale.

Imagine a buffet table filled with lechon panda, inihaw na bear, koala barbecue, tarsier soup, and sea otter pasta. Unfathomable?

There are places that do have dog and cat recipes in their menu. Asocena, anyone? Aso—the Tagalog word for dog. Or how about cat siopao? Which, by the way, is a favorite Pinoy rumor that has been handed down from one Pinoy generation to the next, like an inheritance. But the asocena, on the other hand, is not a rumor.

Imagine helping your goldfish, koi, and arwana morph into escabeche.

But if it’s lechon baka, inihaw na tiyan ng baboy, chicken barbecue, tinolang isda, and seafood pasta, it becomes a fiesta and not a morbid buffet.

I don’t have a pet, not even a goldfish. But I did consider having a live pig as a pet instead of the stuffed toys that are now hidden inside the closet or displayed on the bed, which may horrify a millennial who sees me as belonging to the same age group as his parents, with this as his thought bubble: How old is she?

Haha!

Piggies are cute. And their presence as my collection has finally convinced me to consider switching to fish. Wish me luck since this new diet can be as onand-off as the PLDT WiFi connection.

But not as on-and-off as the Barrettos’ family feud which has been consistently on for several years now, and not even their father’s death could pave the way for Gretchen, Claudine, and Marjorie to be sisters again. They were quarreling at their father’s wake. Que horror! And they’re posting their respective versions of that quarrel on social media Tsk Tsk.

Social media provides an easy way to bully, intimidate, or harass anyone. If you’re now asked by someone to bully, intimidate, or harass people in his behalf, it’s important to have sufficient evidence and the complete details especially if you’re listening only to his own version. Unless you’ve heard the other side of the story but still chose to post the version of the one who has asked you to be some kind of his spokesperson.

The Barretto sisters, however, don’t need people to speak in their behalf. They face their challenges head-on, although, the Pinoy may look at their public display of a family feud as a situation that should be done in private instead. Well, that’s entertainment. And like any form of entertainment, there will be another episode starring other Pinoy showbiz celebrities in the near future.

Even Facebook’s News Feed has constant updates, with posts merely a minute old now requiring some scrolling down to find where it is. Fresh news is overpowered by fresher news so fast, it reminds the senior-moment memory of this famous quote from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Despite the mixed emotions and reactions that Facebook has inspired in the last few years, it still has its pros. It’s through a vegan’s posts that I saw videos of slaughterhouses.

Even thoroughbred racehorses end up slaughtered once they’re retired, their meat used to feed other animals and possibly even mixed with the meat that human beings buy in supermarkets. I mean, how to tell if it’s beef, pork, or lamb if only bits and pieces of horse meat are in there?

The fate of a free-range chicken is the same as that of the chicken in a poultry. They’ll both end up as lechon manok, fried chicken, battered chicken, chicken curry, chicken satay, tinolang manok, samgyetang, or whatever chicken recipe you prefer.

But then, a racehorse already goes through rigorous training, so, isn’t that another form of animal abuse? Hmmm. Same question for cockfights.

People already have enough contests for their entertainment—beauty pageants, car racing, marathons, boxing, wrestling, etc. Which could make using, abusing and misusing animals to achieve victory for their human as a sign of desperation, don’t you think? A person’s craving for more relevance?

The word “pescetarian” may sound like p*steng y*wa which aptly describes the dieter’s struggle in avoiding lechon baka, lechon baboy, lechon manok, and all the other meat dishes he loves.

Well, it’s still about calories. That’s why the ketogenic diet is popular because a 300-calorie lechon baboy is more filling than a 300-calorie cake, thus, resulting to lesser trips to the fridge, kitchen, dining room, resto, cafe, fast food outlet, supermarket, eatery, canteen, and pantry. But if the fridge is right inside your bedroom, aguy, unsaon na lang.