Five questions

Netnet Camomot.

IT’S almost spring in some parts of the globe, making spring cleaning the most appropriate activity for the season despite the fact that Pinas has only two—sunshine and rain, sunny and rainy, hot and cold, dry and wet, with that last word preferred by lovers who still have to move forward from their conscious couplings for Valentine’s Day.

This year’s Valentine’s was also Ash Wednesday, inspiring the religious Pinoy to hear Mass and have an ashy cross on his forehead before mating, er, meeting the love of his life at a candlelit dinner in the most romantic place in the world that his wallet can afford. Could he and his date then proceed to a more romantic place for “dessert”? Hmmm. That was the question.

With that cross on his forehead, how to enjoy the “wet dessert” sans the guilt that the religious Pinoy automatically attaches to pre-marital “coupling.” That’s another question.

Lovers may have to go through some spring cleaning, too, now that Pinas’ version of divorce may finally be showing soon in a theater near you. The ultimate question for spring cleaning, according to Marie Kondo, is, Does it spark joy? So, hold your bitter, er, better half and ask, Does the love of my life spark joy? Now, that’s the third question.

It was International Women’s Day last Thursday, which brings us to the fourth question: Should there be an International Men’s Day, too? You know, in case you need more Days to celebrate aside from the usual.

Valentine’s Day is for lovers, when that day’s intimate activities bear fruit, they move forward to Mother’s Day for mothers and Father’s Day for fathers, who will then become grandmothers and grandfathers 25 years later, thus, there’s Grandparent’s Day. Since all is fair in love and war, there should also be Daughter’s Day, Son’s Day, Granddaughter’s Day, Grandson’s Day, and so on and so forth, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

Still, last Thursday’s celebration of International Women’s Day was most important now that the likes of Harvey Weinstein are finally facing the repercussions of their insatiable sexual appetite that somehow morphed into sexual harassment and sexual assault.

The #MeToo and Time’s Up movements are encouraging women to include in their spring cleaning the shooing away of potential sexual harassers and assaulters whom they can hopefully avoid now post-Harvey.

There are women who can be one of the boys but there’s a chance for the familiarity and friendliness to be misinterpreted by men, thus, women have to draw the line between mere banter and sexual harassment which may lead to—gasp!—sexual assault.

Should women wear chastity belts and armor then? In case their friendly gestures are absorbed as foreplay by men. Tsk tsk. That’s the worst and most destructive level of lost in translation.

Hollywood actor Aziz Ansari was slapped with the most shocking reveal when an encounter which he labeled as “completely consensual” later proved to be not that consensual per his date’s interview with the website Babe.net.

After going through the ritual of seduction and foreplay, she said she told him, “I don’t think I’m ready to do this, I really don’t think I’m going to do this. And he said, ‘How about we just chill, but this time with our clothes on?’”

He then began watching a “Seinfeld” episode with her, and she said in the interview that’s when she realized what happened: “It really hit me that I was violated. I felt really emotional all at once when we sat down there. That that whole experience was actually horrible.”

She added that it “took a really long time for me to validate this as sexual assault. I was debating if this was an awkward sexual experience or sexual assault. And that’s why I confronted so many of my friends and listened to what they had to say, because I wanted validation that it was actually bad.”

She watched the TV coverage of this year’s Golden Globes where Ansari made history as the first of Asian descent to win as best TV actor for a comedy musical for “Master of None,” and she said, “It was actually painful to watch him win and accept an award. And absolutely cringeworthy that he was wearing the Time’s Up pin. I think that started a new fire, and it kind of made it more real.”

There’s this diagram of the difference between a man and a woman when they shop. The man’s trail is shown as a straight line from a mall’s entrance to the item he’s buying. The woman’s trail, on the other hand, is the longest and most crooked line, with no particular entrance and exit for her shopping spree. That may also explain the difference on how they view intimacy, with her believing he can read her mind, and he believing he understands what she needs.

“Wonder Woman” somehow empowered women. There’s something about that armored plate, bulletproof bracelets, tiara, and the Lasso of Truth which could make liars and gossipers reveal nothing but the truth.

But “Wonder Woman” was a movie and is a fictional character, a figment of imagination of its creators who, by the way, were writer William Moulton Marston a.k.a. Charles Moulton and artist Harry G. Peter. In case you haven’t noticed, both Moulton and Peter are men. At least its latest movie version was directed by a woman, Patty Jenkins.

But it’s this constant repeat of men versus women that may keep their differences alive, with women always fighting for gender equality and their rights.

Women are emotional and since they know how it feels to be hurt, they end up avoiding the point of hurting a man’s feelings. How to break it to him gently? That’s the fifth and hopefully the last question.