Goodbye, bahaw

Netnet Camomot .

THE Pinoy’s nerves went crazy when presidential spokesperson Harry Roque announced on Monday last week that President Rody Duterte would “speak to the nation” the next day at 3 pm.

Would that be the same as the State of the Nation Address (Sona)? Peppered with p***ng in*? With Sen. Sonny Trillanes as the main topic?

Well, it was a tete-a-tete and not a Sona. He uttered his favorite curse only once unless I missed the other times he blurted it out. And, yes, his replies were peppered with Trillanes’ name instead of p***ng in*.

Based on the comments of Facebook posts that feature Trillanes, the obvious conclusion is he doesn’t have many fans. Or his fans would rather keep quiet and wait for the revocation of the amnesty to pass.

Trillanes’ lawyer was warning authorities against an illegal arrest of his client, that it’s “political harassment” and could become a precedent for similar cases.

All senators used to be highly respected. Now, well, respect is earned. There are people who deserve nothing but the look that Eleanor Young (Michelle Yeoh) gave Rachel Chu (Constance Wu) in “Crazy Rich Asians” the moment they met. Surely you can name at least ten people who deserve that and more. People you respected once upon a time until something happened, and that respect went down the drain.

But why the presidential tete-a-tete at 3 pm? To compete with the Three O’Clock Prayer?

Prayers indeed increased the Pinoy’s faith as he prepared for Super Typhoon Ompong. The US was also bracing then for Hurricane Florence. Whew. Climate change pa more.

Wish ko lang for Pinas to have spring and autumn as its two seasons, with no humid summers and flash floods. Consistently cool weather all year long.

Instead, here’s Pinas with dry or wet, drought or floods, hot or not so hot.

And when the country is about to get wet, super typhoon clouds would hover above the country’s 7,641 islands from Aparri to Jolo, inspiring the Pinoy to panic-buy everything.

As for me, as long as there are nuts in the bedroom fridge, I’ll be fine, thank you. Nuts as in peanuts and pistachios, and not the kind that Duterte describes as, “Sira ulo pala kayo.”

But a new diet alert says that nuts are fattening, too. So, carrots as snacks then? Like this viral video of a panda eating carrots, enough to convince the dieter that it’s the yummiest snack ever. Until I’ll morph into a Playboy Bunny. Yeah, right.

More like Bugs Bunny. With Porky Pig, and not Elmer Fudd, as my diet buddy.

A pig on a diet. If you can imagine that.

The advice is to drink water to tame hunger pangs. Hmmm. Even apples can’t tame my hunger pangs.

The senior moment’s wishful thinking is for the fats to not go forth and multiply despite the constant craving.

That same senior moment is at its peak when it needs to detox after three straight days of lechon, pritchon and lechon paksiw. Add to that durian for dessert. And lechon baka on the first day of those three days.

Christmas season has begun once lechon is appearing more often as a centerpiece on buffet tables.

What happened to the plant-based diet? It’s still there—in the veggie salad, pinakbet, fresh lumpia. Lauyang baka has veggies, too.

Veggies and fruits are still man’s best friends when it comes to diets.

Meanwhile, a dog can be a man’s best friend and another man’s diet ingredient.

Diet tips can be confusing. What used to be bad is now good, what used to be good is now bad.

A diet trend can be the result of a desperate publicelations ploy. Thus, the meat industry supports the ketogenic diet. The dairy industry pushes for cow’s milk as good for infants, growing children, and for the bones. The rice industry endorses a high-carb diet which the Pinoy may prefer since cooked rice mixed with soy sauce and cooking oil can be a complete meal. So, be careful with the diet tip you’re reading—learn first where it’s coming from.

Make sure, though, that you’re not eating leftover rice which may cause food poisoning. Yup, goodbye, bahaw.

But with the rice cartel allegedly hoarding sacks of rice until weevils are crawling out of the warehouse, we’re reminded of this conspiracy theory on internet providers that are making the internet speed crawl, so, subscribers will upgrade to the more expensive and hopefully faster plan.