How to be nimble

Netnet Camomot

THE laptop conks out and that gives you a convenient excuse to go to the mall, have dinner out, watch a movie.

And that’s exactly what happened on Monday.

The youngest bro and his family were watching “Deadpool” at SM, my sis and I were at Centrio for “How To Be Single.” She did want to watch “Deadpool,” but I was like, Whaaaaat? Like as if we need tips on how to be single. Haha!

The to-do list this week is as wide as the distance between Aparri and Jolo, Siberia and Neverland, even Manny Pacquiao and Vice Ganda after Pacman’s views on same-sex marriage. But if the distance between Pacman and Boy Abunda is now way much wider, no thanks again to the former’s same-sex views, then, let’s compare the to-do list to that.

Here’s another basis of comparison for widening gaps: the Cagayan de Oro presidential debate that’s beginning to exclude the local media… Wait, the local media will be allowed entry but… Hmmm, confusing.

I did ask for tickets to the debate, that is, if there are any. No luck there.

Besides, Feb. 21, a Sunday, is pampering day for me and sis, home service galore from head to toe.

Which now brings us to this part in the “Single” movie where Robin (Rebel Wilson) sees Alice’s (Dakota Johnson), uh, nether regions, and says, “Is that Tom Hanks from ‘Cast Away’? Seriously, it’s like Gandalf is staring right at me.” TMI!

If you’re now asking what TMI means, you’re suffering from the opposite of TMI. Which could now be true for Pacman who has been dropped by Nike as an endorser.

And to better rub it in, Nike said, “We no longer have a relationship with Manny Pacquiao.” That’s what happens when a popular figure like Pacman gets his information from narrow-minded sources whose view of the world is always coming from a negative angle that’s confined within the limitations of blinders. Missionary position, anyone?

Any apologies coming from Pacman will now be treated as panic-driven press releases to at least revive the dead relationship with Nike. It’s too late now to take back the words he released to the wild. Before blurting out any controversial statements based on narrow-minded views, the best thing to do is to shut up until the feeling to reveal those views passes.

There’s this video of a cat trying to have sex with a chicken. Talk of opposites attract, nothing could beat that pair. When Pacman mentioned animals in his views of same-sex unions, I thought of that video and wondered how he could have the heart and soul to even think “mas masahol pa sa hayop ang tao.”

These are the words that have threatened Pacman’s fun run to a Senate seat: “Common sense lang. Makakakita ka ba ng any animals na lalaki sa lalakI, babae sa babae? Mas mabuti pa yung hayop. Marunong kumilala kung lalaki, lalaki, o babae, babae… Kung lalaki sa lalaki, babae sa babae, eh mas masahol pa sa hayop ang tao.”

Actually–this is one of the rare times when “actually” is allowed in a sentence–animals do engage in same-sex relations.

See what the opposite of TMI can do to a person’s views? He blurts out statements without trying to learn the truth behind the headlines, and he ends up with egg on his face. Yes, the chicken’s egg, hopefully not the one it made with the cat.

Everyone is indeed entitled to his opinion. But he has to live with the consequences of that opinion.

For now, Nike is off his list of sources of income. Surely, that loss won’t make a significant dent in his financial statements especially with the millions of dollars he will again earn through his fight with Timothy Bradley Jr. at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas on April 9.

As for the Senate seat, he will probably still win. A backlash here in Pinas is like a pair of false eyelashes–there today, gone tomorrow, thanks to Pinoys’ selective amnesia. Boy Abunda, Vice Ganda, Aiza Seguerra, and the rest of the LGBT community have to campaign hard against Pacman if they don’t want the likes of him governing this country.

And all along I thought Pacman has changed for the better since that was the vibe emitting from his aura a few months ago upon meeting him at a Rotary function. Well, meeting a celebrity is like being friends with, say, the city mayor–you’ll never be absolutely sure if any of them even remembers your name.

At least I still remember his cologne: Polo Blue. Hmmm. I wonder if he’s now feeling blue. But what he needs after this “masahol” experience is not a cologne but a movie with the title, How To Be Nimble.