Itik-itik

A FRIEND offered to lend me her itik-itik costume for a recent occasion that had Filipiniana as dress code. Imagine me wearing that amidst a sea of the Imeldific look.

I have no problem with the Filipiniana attire since our club has adopted barong as our formal wear, that is, if you consider pairing that with black slacks as formal. Pinays, however, usually prefer the Imeldific look for their formal Filipiniana attire probably because it’s more kagalang-galang than, say, the itik-itik costume.

The only long gown in my closet dates back to 1999 and that was for our club’s charter induction when I was a million pounds lighter. I’d resemble a suman if ever I insist on wearing it now. A choked suman that could relate with “Spaceballs’” Dark Helmet. Remember that scene where he’s wearing a gigantic version of Darth Vader’s helmet? You could hear him breathing so hard, then he says, “I can’t breathe in this thing.” That kind of choked suman.

But there are occasions that do call for something formal and you’d be the odd one out if you’re not following their dress code. Like the guest speaker who wore maong to a party that required jacket and tie and long gowns. What was he thinking? That he was going to a barangay council meeting?

Once I’ve slimmed down to, hmmm, 120 pounds, I’ll have a mestiza dress made and will wear that even to the barangay council meeting. Hehe.

But how to lose those pounds while in a kitchen that’s cooking huge vats of spaghetti and fried chicken? That’s where I was on Friday morning. All that food would have weakened the tummy of the uninitiated. Uninitiated in gluttony, that is. But not me. I wanted to get a piece of drumstick right out of the vat, if only the hot oil would let me.

I don’t eat much spaghetti and fried chicken at home because the househelp prefers cooking soup. She thinks that’s all I like–soup. Is this somehow connected with her suspicion that I’m old? That my teeth couldn’t handle anything harder than fish tinola? Still, soup is good for the diet unless it’s bulalo, and you’re gulping that down after having fun with Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels, Captain Morgan…

Malunggay is supposed to be the best balm for a hangover so better plant some in your backyard if you’re the type whose morning-the-night drinking sessions are on a 24/7 sked. Then, save the bulalo for those nights when you have the whole Philippine population to share it with. That way, you’ll have a teeny weeny share of the cholesterol, thus, reducing your health risks to the effects of the alcohol on your liver.

June and July are the months of club inductions for one particular organization and its members would have health risks by simply thinking of what to wear. Each club has its own character so the trick is to ask what the dress code is if it’s not specified on the invitation. An unspecified dress code, however, is already a hint of a club’s preference for a relaxed ambience. Casual wear such as maong is never allowed, though. You’re not going to the mall, boutique or the supermarket. You’re not walking the dog, or doing some brisk walking, jogging, running. You’re not on a tour where swimming, island-hopping, and spelunking are the norm.

Even the inducting officer says, Due to the solemnity of this occasion, may I request everyone to please stand. And if you’re not the inductee, you stand and listen to the oath, take photos of the inductees, or you may stare at the ceiling and think of the many times you have uttered that same oath in past inductions.

If you’ve been a member of at least one organization since the late ‘80s and have not stopped joining organizations ever since, that means a total of, hmmm, 30 inductions and the promise to do your duty to God and country. And there’s also that feeling of, Oh, no, not another induction, ho-hum. An induction now has to have something special to make it interesting for you, like a dessert station in all its sugary glory.

But what makes an induction truly special is the company of good friends. It doesn’t matter if you met them years ago, yes, in the late ‘80s when you began your induction journey or even before that, or you met them recently. The focus is on the good. Because you’ve had enough of the bad.

Now, how to distinguish good from bad? Good is when you feel good simply by sitting beside them. Good is when you can them tell everything and they won’t share that info with other people. Good is when you’re assured of their walang-iwanan TLC–tender loving care–for you. You would be able to recognize good after having many encounters with the bad.

There’s no Oath of Friendship. Friendship usually relies on “Actions speak louder than words.” There’s no promise to do your duty for God, country and friendship. No friendship pins to signify your inclusion in a group of berks. No friendship uniform to wear if you’re shopping together, or watching a movie, going island-hopping, vacationing, traveling, or feasting on bulalo in a resto.

And if that friend suggests her itik-itik costume for you to wear to a formal induction, and your immediate reaction is, Good idea!, then that’s the kind of friendship that you should keep.