No candidate, no boto

Netnet Camomot

THERE he was yesterday morning at Robinsons lining up at the Comelec Satellite Registration after realizing he might not be able to vote for his favorite District 2 congressman due to Comelec’s mantra “No Bio No Boto.”

Hmmm, haven’t you noticed? If you add T to the right side of Bio… Censored by the MTRCB again!

Anyway, back to the boto, er, the biometrics voter. He gets this feeling though that he’s lining up with flying voters. It could be his skeptical and cynical brain working but the gut instinct tells him his suspicions could be right.

He starts asking the young ones seated near him, while pointing at the documents they’re grasping with both hands: What are those? They reply: cedula, NSO. He waits for someone to reply, A letter from the barangay captain. Hehe. Of course they transfer to other seats, way away from him, and they now start to look at him with weary eyes. So, he stops asking.

This could be where the electoral cheating starts, at the registration, to make sure the flying voter’s name is there on the list. Operative words: could be. In other words, Di tiyak. Like the sexual orientation of closet queens before it’s canfeeermed: Di tiyak.

Then, a Comelec guy asks, Who among you are here for biometrics only? The biometrics wannabe is one of the two that raise their hands, and the Comelec guy gets their ID cards. But the wannabe’s brain becomes more suspicious: you mean, there are only two registered people in this mob?

Before his suspicious mind could regress to Hello Garci mode, his heart starts to sing, “Let it go, let it go/Can’t hold it back anymore/Let it go, let it go/Turn away and slam the door!”

And that’s not the only thing he lets go of. He also lets go of mundane issues that could not affect election results. Keber.

His name is finally called, and the Comelec girl tells him he already had this biometrics whatever eons ago. His response: Canfeeermed! But there were people who told him he didn’t have that yet, so to make sure, he lined up at Robinsons. Serious Pinoy voter man gid.

The lines Pinoys have to endure to ensure they can vote. But with the Comelec now considering holding not only the registration but also the election at the mall, well, vote pa more. That will be the best Election Day ever. Lining up while munching on Chicken Joy. And your favorite candidate for congressman won’t have to go far to buy meals and snacks for his watchers since everything–from junk food to paper and pen–can be bought from the stores inside the mall.

And the mall is air conditioned unlike public schools where you have to juggle pen and hand fan without smearing both with indelible ink. And you can go shopping, watch a movie, have coffee right after voting, since everything is right there. And no blackouts. Yehey!

I was a Namfrel volunteer once upon a time, assigned to a place far far away. The counting then was manual and we had to help tabulate the figures on sheets of Manila paper posted on blackboards. I think there was a blackout then but I’m not sure anymore–it was so long ago in the ’90s when we were still young Jaycees. I’m not even sure if it was Namfrel, it could have been some other volunteer organization. Or was that as Rotarians in this millennium? O my gas. History is one subject I never learned to love, not even if it’s my own personal history.

Those were the dark days of Election Day volunteerism, with guns, goons and gold trying to scare off fearless volunteers away from precincts. I don’t know if that’s still true today–we can always dream that those three Gs no longer exist. Yeah, dream on. “Kung mangarap ka’t magising.” Yay!

But there’s the campaign season to look forward to before Election Day. Let’s see–pronounced again as that Spanish translation for milk–how political candidates will woo their future constituents. There will be the triple threat: Singing, dancing and acting. The double threat: twerking and pabebe. And that one threat: the politician who can convince AlDub to be his campaigners.

The name of the game when it comes to politics is still pabagaay ug nawong. Oops, nope? OK, to wear one’s heart on the sleeve–endear pa more. Provided that heart is sincere and free from vested interests. But is there a political candidate whose heart beats only for public service and nothing else? He’s lucky if all of his future constituents are like the biometrics registrant lining up at Robinsons, the one who has learned to let go of things, even those within his control. Choose your battles daw o.

Now that he’s letting go, does this mean he can sit back, relax, and forget about the many things he wished to accomplish for the year? If Comelec has No Bio No Boto, he, on the other hand, can adopt No Thingie, No Stress. Yay! Freedom pa more!