Not funny

By Netnet Camomot

OUR PLDT WiFi has been on and off since last week, like a spoiled toddler having tantrums. But has the erratic internet speed stopped me from checking out Facebook? Nah.

Facebook is like a delish lechon that we can’t avoid.

Facebook is also like the ever reliable—hehe—Wikipedia where facts can morph into what-the-f*ck, no thanks to sources that are neither here nor there. Such facts should be verified and confirmed before a gullible Facebook user can share them.

And the first thing that a DC fan should do before commenting on the “Joker” movie is, of course, to watch it. Remember when you were a child covering your eyes each time the MGM lion logo roared? You’ll probably do the same for some “Joker” scenarios if you’ve remained squeamish about the blood and gore—extrajudicial killings, vehicular accidents, massacres, wars, disaster victims, murders, etc.—that people post on Facebook.

Joker kills like it’s simply another day in paradise once he has had enough of the bullies in his life, and that’s where the controversy is now on the movie, with the question hovering above this: Does “Joker” incite people in similar situations to kill those who are bullying them?

Most of us have had bad experiences with bullies. I even received a phone call last Monday from a bully who has been pestering me to do something about whatever, like as if he has employed me to be his own police, bodyguard, caretaker, watchman, problem solver, idea thinker, etc.

There were times when I did give in to his request to help him solve the issues that his business could be involved in, but when I arrived there and started acting as the referee between him and his perceived enemy, he turned into a timid dog with his tail between his legs. Where was the bully who was insisting over the phone that I have the responsibility to solve his neighbor problems for him?

It’s like having a spoiled son who has tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants. He keeps on complaining like an Energizer Bunny that keeps on going and going. And surely he would now say he has valid reasons for his complaints. But there are many better ways to complain, and his style is definitely not in that list. I gotta feeling he does the same for all the other situations in his life, in dealing with banks, government agencies, suppliers, unless I’m the only one he sees as weak enough to be the recipient of his complaints.

“Joker” is not for everyone. If you want comedy, go for “The Panti Sisters.” For romance, there’s “Love Actually.” For fantasy, there’s “The Lion King” where animals can talk!

To each his own. Don’t watch “Joker” if you hate dark characters.

There are reviews that say Joaquin Phoenix “disappeared” in the movie as he morphed into Joker, but each time I saw his thin physique, all I could think of was, How did he lose that much weight?

His diet secret: an apple a day. Oh, my. If I’ll follow such a strict diet regimen, it will be hyperventilate pa more for me.

Now I know why I’m not losing weight. Because it’s two apples each day for me. Plus two bananas, a boiled egg, canned fish, other fishes, veggies, and there’s that teeny-weeny bit of pork in pork and beans.

And on Sunday night, there was the birthday party that served two lechons. And when there’s an additional lechon, that may prompt you to taste both, to find out which is yummier. And there you are now, giving your unsolicited critique: Mas crispy ni; mas lami tong isa.

And there’s the wedding a week after that party where you gained five pounds in one night. How to lose that weight so you could fit into the dress you’re wearing for the wedding? That’s the question. So, you buy a new dress that can squeeze all the fats into photogenic level, pretty enough for a selfie.

The bilbil and mile-wide hips can produce an obstacle course out of choosing the right dress, as you huff and puff from one store to another. Inhale, exhale.