Sense of entitlement

Netnet Camomot

SEVERAL non-showbiz people somehow already knew that Kevin Spacey is gay. There’s a certain way a gay guy speaks and moves that can inspire the gaydar to ponder and say, Hmmm, and Spacey’s were among those “inspirations.”

Like Barry Manilow whose official coming out finally happened last April when he revealed he’s married to manager Garry Kief, there was also no need for Spacey to come out because, well, we knew. But he did, anyway, when he was caught in the corner recently—actor Anthony Rapp accused him of sexual advances which occurred when Rapp was only 14 years old. Spacey allegedly climbed on top of him and it wasn’t for a wrestling match.

Finding no way out of that corner, Spacey chose this moment to come out, as if being gay justifies his actions by posting this on Twitter: “As those closest to me know, in my life I have had relationships with both men and women. I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man. I want to deal with this honestly and openly and that starts with examining my own behavior.”

Young girls are always warned by their mothers to avoid notorious men—they can be uncles, cousins, the family’s close friends, grandpas, granduncles, etc. They used to be called dirty old men (DOM).

I don’t know if young boys are also warned of the DOMs’ gay versions who are allegedly generous with money and gifts, probably hoping the assistance can soften the boys’ hearts.

Spacey didn’t even have to show any boy the money. He’s a famous and powerful Hollywood actor whose influence could help a wannabe’s career, and saying no to his advances might even jeopardize that career.

But the Pandora’s box that The Harvey Weinstein Effect opened continues to keep going and going like a tantric sex marathon, and closet queens obviously are not exempted anymore.

I respect a gay man’s choice to remain a closet queen until he’s ready for his great reveal. The world may notice and talk about him, but please allow him to stick to that choice. Manilow was already 73 years old when he came out last April. Finally—it’s about time!

But there are parts in this oh so cruel world that are not prepared yet for gays, which can keep gay men and women inside the closet forevermore, with even their family and close friends wondering—are they, are they not—also forevermore.

Ellen DeGeneres’ coming out in 1997 affected her career. But she recovered from that temporary setback and has been married to Portia de Rossi since August 2008.

The world is now friendly to same-sex relationships and marriages, with the extremely Catholic Philippines most probably remaining in the future as the last one to hold on to the belief that marriage should be only for a man and a woman. With the Church’s abhorrence to artificial family planning and divorce, some things can never be possible here.

But the world is not friendly to the gay man who relies on his sexual orientation in justifying his behavior towards a 14-year-old boy. “Star Trek” and “Heroes” actor Zachary Quinto, who came out as gay in October 2011, posted this on Twitter: “It is deeply sad and troubling that this is how Kevin Spacey has chosen to come out. Not by standing up as a point of pride—in light of all his many awards and accomplishments—thus inspiring tens of thousands of struggling LGBTQ kids around the world…but as a calculated manipulation to deflect attention from the very serious accusation that he attempted to molest one.”

I always wish for my gay friends to be true to themselves, have a long-lasting relationship and the freedom to marry if they choose to. If only they gain the strength to come out. For now, some of them are still suffocating in their closets, and their actions can be confusing, even to me. You know how that is? There’s this supposedly gay friend, and he/she tries to act as a man/woman, but the act is clearly for public consumption only—to please and protect parents, stop people from speculating and suspecting, and be accepted in the world that their careers revolve in.

As for Hollywood, The Harvey Weinstein Effect has shifted back to the men who harass women, and Dustin Hoffman is its latest revelation. Meryl Streep, his co-star in “Kramer vs. Kramer,” revealed through a 1979 Time interview that she auditioned for a play he was directing, and “He came up to me and said, ‘I’m Dustin—burp—Hoffman,’ and he put his hand on my breast. What an obnoxious pig, I thought.”

But it was writer Anna Graham Hunter’s Hollywood Reporter piece that has recalled all the other bad stories on Hoffman. In the piece, she revealed that he sexually harassed her while filming the 1985 TV adaption of “Death of a Salesman.” She was then 17 years old. One of his requests that time: “a hard-boiled egg… and a soft-boiled clitoris.” For breakfast.

There are men and also women with power and money who have a sense of entitlement, that you should always kneel before them and give in to their requests. They belong to the club of the beholden. The club of utang na loob. The club that welcomes minions who are ready to kiss the a**es of the moneyed and the powerful. If ever you encounter people like them, flee to the opposite side. Don’t waste your precious life with them.