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Netnet Camomot .

CHRISTMAS is not only in the air but also in your hair once you enter a store’s Christmas decor section where gold dust is the norm.

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Companies and organizations are now reserving restaurants and hotel ballrooms and function rooms for the much coveted December weekends before Christmas, preferably Fridays or Saturdays to allow hangovers to pass.

The best cures for a hangover are water and sleep. Still, prevention is the key: Just don’t.

But if you do drink, alternate it with water, and don’t drive.

And then, there’s that double standard. A woman dancing on top of a table in a bar: bad. A man doing the same thing: fun. Asa na ang hustisya ani?

Well, there’s now a new finding that alcohol, regardless of quantity, is bad. The Lancet medical journal recently published a report whose researchers said, “Our results show that the safest level of drinking is none.”

Let’s repeat that last word in case you missed it: “none.”

So, no more Thank God It’s Friday. How to let your hair down? That’s the question. “Eat, drink and be merry” will be reduced to “eat and be merry.” But with the weevils and rising rice prices, the meat industry’s use, misuse and abuse of Planet Earth, and the fertilizers and chemicals in veggies and fruits, we gotta feeling the term will be further reduced to “be merry.”

As if that new revelation on alcohol is not enough to stop a morning-the-night nightlife, Cagayan de Oro will have a smoking ban in public places starting October 2018. Of course, there will be designated smoking areas (DSA) for this hard habit to break. I’ve seen such areas in or outside airport terminals, and my minute brain could only think, Oh, talk about terminal. Because smoking causes terminal diseases. If you want that in your future, go ahead, look for a DSA.

Cause and effect—much like the law of supply and demand? Hmmm. If the cause is the lack of supply, then the effect is unmet demand, which the Pinoy can now relate with the rice crisis. And also with the country’s internet providers. With less competition, internet speed can continue to crawl. Loading… Buffering… And that’s when I turn off both WiFi and mobile data. Enough already. Whew.

Competition is good when it drives each competitor to excel at what he does best. But if it’s morphing into an award for slowest internet speed, the Pinoy subscriber loses the same way he’s losing in the war on weevils.

The Pinoy is always fighting. Fighting for freedom, fighting for justice, fighting for his rights. We thought that ended in February 1986 when the Marcoses left Pinas. Hmmm. Kind of, “Walang tigil ang ulan/At nasaan ka, araw.”

But it’s Christmas! We should be happy! Yay! So, on Wednesday, the plan was to prepare the tummy and the body weight for the holidays. Thus, these three words on the planner for the day’s to-do list: “Start no rice.” And it was true for breakfast and lunch. But dinner came and…rice pa more!

Then, came Thursday. Finally, no more rice. Memorize na lang.

It’s 80 percent food and 20 percent exercise. With injuries caused by exercise, the dieter has to rely on 100 percent food and zero exercise. Add to that the weevils and rising rice prices that have left him with no more excuses to avoid rice, weight loss through a healthy diet is now his best preparation for the Christmas season.

If prices of other goods will also increase, no thanks to August’s 6.4-percent inflation rate, he may plant veggies and fruit trees in his backyard to ensure a steady supply of good food.

Meanwhile, the 15th World Testicle Cooking Championship held at Lipovica, Serbia on Sept. 1 is making us wonder if the Philippines’ Soup Number 5 was one of the entries.

Yes, the 15th. Imagine the hundreds of testicles the contestants have cut, sliced, stewed so far. Oh my gosh.

Australian Philomena O’Brien, who was one of the judges, said, “Choosing the best balls is quite a responsibility.” Uh. Is that the same as Uncle Ben’s “with great power comes great responsibility”?

Philippine Daily Inquirer’s mascot Guyito, who’s a carabao, seemed clueless, though, that the testicles’ owner could have been him. His only thought bubble: “Goodbye, Viagra! Organic na ang uso!”

In case you’ve been hibernating in Siberia instead of Serbia, animal testicles are being promoted as aphrodisiacs. But if you’re vegan, there’s durian.

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