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BORACAY will be closed starting April 26 for a rehabilitation that will last for six months.

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Much like a drug addict’s six-month rehab program after which he will return to the loving arms of his family. If he will choose to remain friendly with the barkada whose idea of an ideal R&R is still drugs, there’s a great possibility for addiction to come back, and there he is again, requiring another six months of rehab. This vicious cycle may continue for many years until he finally learns to have a drug-free life.

The same scenario may happen to Boracay if the government’s focus on the island will last only during its six-month rehabilitation. Taking care of the environment is a lifetime commitment, kind of a wedding vow, “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

The Pinoy who loves the beach now has to change his vacay destination to malls, theme parks, and Mayon Volcano since Panglao, El Nido, and other watery venues are next in line in the government’s environmental goals. The environmentalist is, of course, grateful: It’s about time! With no laws followed to keep tourist spots the exemplary samples of nature’s greatest gifts, business owners in these islands and beaches were already in the mood to build, build, build even before the Dutertenomics’ “Build, Build, Build” could become the norm.

To build without considering a structure’s effects on the environment or even on the eye of the beholder is the opposite of tender loving care, comparable to smoking in a non-smoking area, gossiping about your best friend, and stealing from the national treasury. You don’t care about the consequences; the only thing that matters to you is you. Greed at its worst. And when there’s greed, there’s envy—the craving to have it all. So, the grass on the other side of the fence will always be greener. And there’s Boracay on its side of the fence, brewing as a cesspool.

There are people whose life is also a cesspool. Nice to look at from the outside, but too many dark secrets inside. That’s why they resort to gossip, with the hope it will cover up what they’re trying to hide.

And that’s exactly what happened to Boracay—nice to look at, but then, coliform appears in its waters and it’s Realization 101 for the tourist: Oh, my gosh, can the rash guard protect us from s**t?

The beach is mainly for swimming and for staring at the sun and the super blue blood moon. You sit there and stare. Take it all in. Boracay, however, has morphed into a bar, and a place to see and be seen. People prepare to be “seen” by dieting the whole year and developing six-pack abs daily at the gym. Thanks to the rash guard, though, the six-pack abs are probably optional nowadays.

There are people who avoid any place where water is the main attraction. There are people who believe malling is the most perfect vacation. And then, there’s the foodie who prefers to discover every food group that a place can offer—he will eat worms, bugs, snakes, cockroaches, frogs, and call them exotic food, with the sexually active male foodie convinced the “exotic” can replace Viagra.

And, yes, there’s the tourist that visits Pinas reportedly for its sex tours. And there’s the tourist not feeling claustrophobic at all within the four walls of a casino where he gambles his life away.

Boracay will soon have another casino. “Another”—in case there’s at least one already operating on the island.

A casino is perhaps the government’s way to lessen the number of tourists that can “indirectly” contribute to an island’s coliform problem. But it’s always a bad idea, with the tourist possibly ending up in rehab once he’s addicted to gambling. Should the government choose which of the two—coliform or gambling—is the lesser evil?

The tourist, on the other hand, has to choose which of the two—gambling or beach—is cheaper since a credit card can only do so much.

Once upon a time, there was the Yoban Beach. A.k.a. the banyo located right inside the house. It’s now known as staycation or what Faith Popcorn calls cocooning. No need to travel, making it the cheapest and most relaxing vacation ever.

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