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Cong Corrales

“If a really stupid person becomes senile, how do you know?” -George Carlin

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NOT that I didn’t expect it to happen but this administration’s supposedly best and brightest have gone bananas lately. Every single day, the functionaries of Digong Dada seem to be looking for spectacular ways to show how inept they are.

Let’s start with the less despicable to the most abhorrent stunts these schmucks have done. Sorry, too, if you will not find Margaux Uson in this list, my dear readers. I’ve limited this list to people in this administration who I thought knew better or at the very least act like rational human beings. All of these stunts happened within a single week.

After learning that public school teachers have been availing of various loans, even from 5/6 neighborhood loan sharks to make ends meet, Education Secretary Leonor Briones issues Deped Order 55 or the “Revised guidelines on the Implementation of P4,000 Net Home Pay for the Deped Personnel.”

It sounds great, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, all this fancy-titled order means is that it will make sure that the outstanding loans the teachers have due for the Government Service Insurance System and the Pag-ibig Fund are being deducted from their salaries.

The department will also “identify measures that will enable teachers to manage their finances.” Here’s a good idea. Why not increase their salaries so they can manage their finances?

But then again, it might do me good not to ask questions to this administration. It has this nasty habit of branding people “kupal” for asking questions that make them uncomfortable.

In its verified Facebook account, the Office of the Presidential Spokesman, a supposed “former page administrator” of theirs posted insults against TV News 5 news reader Lourd de Veyra and Rappler’s Pia Ranada.

Scrambling to do “damage control,” Rene “The Pastor” Abella said the access of the former page administrator who was “no longer connected to with the office” to its official Facebook page has been revoked.

“The said comment does not reflect the official and personal views of the Presidential Spokesperson or his office on the individuals being referred to,” Abella said in probably the lamest statement.

I say lame because Abella didn’t bother to name the person responsible. He did not explain why a person who is supposedly no longer connected to his office could still access to its official social media account.

Abella’s statement even lacked the most basic of statement on faux pas, an apology. For an office that deals with communications, it’s heartbreaking to see them fall flat. The statement was sophomoric at best.

However, none of that is Abella’s problem anymore. He has been replaced.

In what was a literally midnight appointment, Digong Dada announced on Friday that Kabayan Rep. Harry Roque will be the new presidential spokesman.

Roque will have the item of secretary while the bumbling Abella is an undersecretary. When he made the announcement, the President said Roque fits in his Cabinet because they’re both talkative — “medyo malikot ang bunganga namin.”

The midnight appointment raised a lot of eyebrows. Roque who has been known to be a human rights and freedom of expression advocate accepting a post known for its spins and “interpretations” is quite unnerving.

But maybe this is a good thing. After all, Roque has been known to fight tooth and nail for the assertion of human rights.

“By taking up this position, I intend to refocus the attention of the people more towards the fundamental position of the State, and less towards the manner by which such has been declared,” Roque said in his statement on accepting the post.

He stated further: “By accepting this position, I am not condoning the violence surrounding the government’s anti-drug campaign, nor do I intend to further the same.”

However, as fast as you can say “Pinocchio,” Roque’s first statement as presidential spokesman was that the President is not a human rights violator.

Way to go, earning your keep, Sir, using your background in human rights advocacy to deodorize the bloodthirsty administration. Apparently, two wigs are, indeed, better than one.

Let’s wind down this list with the two over-sexed and underlaid minions Salvador Panelo and Martin Andanar.

What can say? These guys are obviously copying their principal’s penchant for “shock” contents in their public engagements. Panelo did it during a Swiss National Public Radio and Television interview and Andanar during his “meet and greet” with Filipinos in London.

Panelo blurted out that he f**ks like an 18-year-old. Then he doubled back to say that he mispronounced the letter “p” and that he meant “pack like an 18-year-old.” This mother of packers even had the gall to accuse the interviewer that by pointing out his gaffe, she had swept aside “the meat of the interview on the rationale of the issues raised against the Duterte presidency.”

Being a Bisaya myself, I know that mispronouncing the letter “p” as “f” is common. I remember a friend who proudly declared he had just been hired by “Pilifin facking korforeyshen” and that he had been hired to “fack faynepols.”

Let’s just give this geezer the benefit of doubt for a second. If he truly meant packing his bags, how then does that connect to the prior statement that he is “better in bed?” So, no, Mr. Panelo. I won’t buy your packing reason.

Another Bisaya in this administration, Andanar, introduced a colorful Bisaya word to the world: “pala-**ot.” He relegated the critiques of this administration as noisy underlaid and bitter people.

So yeah, this government is f***d, alright!

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Before joining the Gold Star Daily, Cong worked as the deputy director of the multimedia desk of the Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism (PCIJ), and before that he served as a writing fellow of Vera Files. Under the pen name "Cong," Leonardo Vicente B. Corrales has worked as a journalist since 2008.Corrales has published news, in-depth, investigative and feature articles on agrarian reform, peace and dialogue initiatives, climate justice, and socio-economics in local and international news organizations, which which includes among others: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Business World, MindaNews, Interaksyon.com, Agence France-Presse, Xinhua News Wires, Thomson-Reuters News Wires, UCANews.com, and Pecojon-PH.He is currently the Editor in Chief of this paper.