The Judas in us

Lagrimas Perdio .

BETRAYAL. Something we are all acquainted with, and yet we lack enough comprehension of what it entails. It is something that we do or is done to us several times a day but somehow only skates through the back of our consciousness. Until something big comes along. We tend to think of betrayal only on a major scale–when a spouse cheats on the other spouse, when a dear friend swindles us out of a large sum of money, when someone sells us out. But it is actually a lot more common that we are conscious of.

It is peculiar that we are often taken by surprise at who betrays us. How often do we utter or hear the words, “I never expected it.” We never expect it because there is such a level of trust that is established between the betrayer and the betrayed. That we expect the other person not to treat us with so much respect and affection, and that we expect them to do anything to hurt us is inconceivable. That is what is at the very core of the matter. Trust, respect and affection. The most basic foundation of any worthwhile relationship, whether it be marriage or friendship or family connection. And therefore the expectation of loyalty.

I suppose this is why it hurts so much. That we lay ourselves vulnerable to someone and having that vulnerability trampled upon with no consideration whatsoever. And yet even in the tiniest of ways, we allow ourselves to be betrayed simply by allowing disrespect. Let’s talk about our national disregard for punctuality, for starters. We so easily make appointments to meet but never show up on time. Both parties, at that. And we brush off the lateness with a small laugh and call it “Filipino time.” Do we not acknowledge that of all things in this world and in this life, time is the one valuable irrecoverable commodity? And so we, in such a cavalier fashion, thoughtlessly waste another person’s time. Doesn’t that count as betrayal?

The inseparable intertwining of betrayal and respect says a lot about how we Filipinos as a people see ourselves. Selfespect is an alien concept for many. And for the rest, there is some confusion between respect, inferiority, and fear. The so-called respect that we give to our elected officials, or people in authority, or the rich seems to come from some sense of inferiority or fear which we have tacitly accepted. How many times are we treated with discourtesy and rudeness by those who sit behind desks, purveyors of services we seek? Because they know we need them and so wield some power over us. And how many times do we meekly accept the unacceptable manner with which we are treated? Is this not a form of betrayal of the public trust since these people are supposed to be there to serve?

And now that election season looms largely in the not-so-distant future, our politicians diligently plant the seeds of betrayal, as they do every few years. Our trust is courted, our hopes are nurtured through sudden energetic efforts by those in office who undertake projects which wait until the last few months before election to be started, with the underlying threat that their reelection is the only thing that guarantees completion. The sudden enumeration of achievements, all claimed to be for the good of the people, paraded in press releases, interviews, radio programs to vouch for the worthiness of those who seek to remain in office.

And yet the same can be said of those who aspire to unseat the seated. Promises to be the better, to be the right ones, partnered with the efforts to destroy the trust through claims of corruption, greed, evil. All of these subject to the ultimate betrayal of being forgotten or sidelined after elections are over. And this is only on the bigger stage. We haven’t even begun to talk about betrayal at a more personal level–the kind that happens between two people, or within an organization, or within a home. We only seem to pay attention to the big betrayals, simply brushing off the daily small-time betrayals like flies off the lunchtime table.

So how can these people who coldly betray us be so heartless? It seems to me that there is an element of selfishness involved. Betrayals happen when respect and loyalty for the other person get in the way of what one wants. The extent to which the betrayer will come up with justification for their actions knows no bounds. The effort to believe that they had no choice knows no bounds. The shamelessness with which disloyal and disrespectful decisions are made know no bounds. The abysmal depths to which they will remain in denial knows no bounds. Perhaps the most painful is how easily these betrayers can walk away from a valued relationship which took a long time to nurture and grow.

But then maybe only the one party perceived the value in the relationship. Maybe the expectation that respect and affection was sincerely mutual was unrealistic. Maybe the betrayed never really knew the betrayer at all. Regardless, it cannot be denied that betrayal hurts us to the core. It touches and taints us in ways that don’t become apparent until another circumstance comes along to dredge up those dark memories. Betrayal, sadly, changes us and it takes a gargantuan effort not to let it turn us into bitter, vindictive souls.

The saddest thing of all is how betrayal cripples our capacity to hope. It tunnels our vision and makes us afraid, suspicious, judgmental. But we start them young. Parents often betray their children through unfulfilled promises, which teaches them to question their self-worth. Our children have come to expect it. That something promised and eagerly expected can be easily forgotten or taken back. This only cements their concept that those in power can be insincere and disrespectful.

If corruption is to be seen as the biggest mass betrayal of all, and if we as a society seem to be unable to remove it, what does this say about us? Judas sold out Jesus for a few measly coins. But to give the guy credit, his guilt eventually overtook him and he hung himself. How much of the betrayer thrives inside of us? I shudder to think.