The winner takes all

Netnet Camomot .

IF you’re reading this on Election Day, most probably you now have P500 or P1,500 or P3,000, and may the highest bidder win. Yay.

And if the candidate who gave you P3,000 will win, aguy, good luck na lang, because surely he will make bawi his campaign expenses through another version of the pork barrel scam. That’s three—or six for senators—years of wasted government funds once he starts stealing from the national treasury, funds that should have been invested in infrastructure and other quality projects instead of being used as allowance for his family and minions.

The Pinoy has to realize that selling his vote may make his life nice and easy for a day or two but the consequence is he’s back to reality thereafter. The P3,000 he received may grow if he invests it in a pyramid scheme, er, use it to buy lotto tickets, er, use it to buy and sell shabu—Oops!

Here’s Urban Dictionary’s definition of fast money: “Money generated through an illegal or unethical enterprise, such as drug dealing or hustling. Typically a reference to how people with legitimate jobs have to wait until payday, whilst hustlers get paid every time they make a move. Also refers to how naturally street smart people with no formal job training are sometimes capable of quickly hustling funds that would otherwise had been earned slowly in a low level job.”

Street smart is supposed to be better than graduating with honors. I don’t know if there’s a scientific study on that but as you may have noticed, Bill Gates doesn’t even have a college degree. That doesn’t mean, though, that everyone can now drop out of college and start their own software company.

But if being street smart is used for an “illegal or unethical enterprise,” fast money is the expected result.

If there’s a cause, there’s an effect. Overeating results to weight gain. Sunbathing results to sunburn. And lack of campaign funds may result to electoral loss? Que horror!

But let’s not dwell on negative vibes a.k.a. electoral loss. Be like the perennial candidate who keeps on running each election year until he wins. And he deserves all the praise he could get for his persistence despite the summer heat that accompanies each campaign season.

The Pinoy’s best choice on the hottest days of summer was to stay indoors, in an air-conditioned room, with curtains drawn, the blinds down, and lots of water for rehydration. Siesta pa more. But the candidate could not dare stay indoors while his rivals are outdoors shaking the hands of potential voters.

Once Election Day is over, whose hands will the candidate shake pa more? Hmmm. The loser can’t restart campaigning. He needs to rest and make muni-muni on what contributed to his loss. The winner has it all, of course, but will he continue giving cash gifts to his voters who made his victory possible?

Well, here’s hoping the Metro Manila voter chose the candidate who could solve their traffic problem which could inspire the Cagayanon to say, Hay salamat, taga-Cagayan de Oro ko.

CDO may have its own traffic situations but at least they’re not as bad as that of Metro Manila where a columnist can write a column while in a car that’s crawling along Edsa.

Traffic is stressful, that’s why some Metro Manilans have learned to rent or buy condo units near their office, so, they don’t have to commute for many hours daily. On weekends, they go home to their bigger house. Unless they’ve opted to sell that house after realizing the security offered by condo living. But an earthquake, like the one on April 22, may make them think twice about condo living. I happened to be in the tenth floor of a condo at Bonifacio Global City when that condo began to sway. Waaaaa!

A friend happened to look out the window and saw the people gathered at the oval across the street and that’s when we realized we had to go downstairs. But the golfers at the golf course were still golfing, so, should we go down? Or is it okay to stay inside? But we began to get dressed just in case. That’s when two guards knocked on our door and advised us to leave the building. Whew.

And what would a Pinoy do while waiting for the go signal to return to the building? Take selfies. Hehe.

And that’s what the winning candidate will do, too—take selfies with his fellow winners. Because “The winner takes it all / The loser standing small.” Wheee!