Throwing snowballs

MR. Frozen resigned, and he can now throw snowballs at the administration he has left behind. Snowballs with loving hearts inside so they can be thrown with tender loving care. Sweet, eh? Senate President Franklin Drilon must have said it all in his comment on what could be the most calculated resignation ever: “The lines are really drawn now. You have the administration and the opposition.”

Interior Secretary Mar Roxas has been touted as the administration’s presumptive presidential candidate. Once someone has reached that point of no return, er, that point of many returns, it means he’s now the second most popular person in the administration. Second to PNoy, that is. But he remains an unknown to Mr. Frozen’s congresswoman-daughter who, upon being asked if her father has those icy cccccold feelings for Roxas, replied with, “Who is that?” Brrrrr. Why does this remind me of Adam Sandler’s movie title “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan”?

In the movie, Zohan (Sandler) is an Israeli counter-terrorist and soldier whose ultimate dream is to be a hairdresser in the U.S. Nothing to do with Mr. Frozen’s story, right? But it’s the title that his family could probably relate with, kind of, Don’t mess with us, or else. Well, Drilon is right. “The lines are really drawn now,” and Mr. Frozen has started throwing snowballs at the administration . That’s what you call a fast reaction unlike my PLDT internet connection which is not only slow but even conked out along with the landline on Wednesday morning and PLDT said they’d send people to repair it tomorrow Saturday.

Apparently, I was not the only one complaining. The landline of the village’s main gate conked out, too. My bro’s PLDT internet and landline also conked out a few weeks ago but are OK now. With the communication lines conking out in the neighborhood, I now have to rely on my Globe 3G service which is even slower than PLDT. O my gas. There seems to be a contest for the slowest internet connection in this country, Slowpoke Rodriguez would be the happiest person here. Nope, I’m obviously not referring to our congressman who has proven to be one of the fastest congressmen in implementing good projects for the city. Slowpoke Rodriguez is a cartoon character and is the cousin of Speedy Gonzales. For our beloved CDO congressman, he could be Speedy Rodriguez although I’m sure he’d rather be called Congressman or Representative rather than Speedy.

Mr. Frozen’s speedy snowball-throwing began with a Tagalog speech that could be understood by all Pinoys. When a Cagayanon is campaigning for one of the political positions in the city or barangay, of course he uses the Cebuano dialect so he can be understood by his potential voters. He can’t go around, shaking hands, and asking them to “Vote for me ha, so we can make tusok-tusok the bola-bola once I’m walking along the august halls of city hall.” Although the last time I was there, the incumbent city mayor gave me binaki. Nope, no bola-bola. But that was the yummiest binaki ever.

I’m not saying that Mr. Frozen is now campaigning but it helps to speak in Tagalog especially when he says that the administration he resigned from is “manhid” and “palpak.” With those words, he won’t be lost in translation, and the Pinoys listening to him were probably nodding their heads while saying, Oo nga, manhid at palpak! He also said, “At lalong hindi ko iiwanan ang ating mga mahihirap na kababayan. Lagi ninyong kasama sa hirap at ginhawa, at ngayon ay namumuno sa oposisyon.” Did tears flow down the faces of the mahihirap when they heard him say that?

Then, he explained why he resigned. “Nagbitiw po ako sa Gabinete dahil hindi ako makapapayag na siraan ang aking mga programang pang-masa na nagtagumpay sa Makati at nais kong mapalawak sa buong bansa.”

I love Makati because it’s like a mini-Manhattan where everything is near. All you have to do is walk, and there’s the mall, supermarket, cinema, resto, bookstore. No need to drive and look for a parking space, that is, if you live within its commercial area. That’s why whenever Mr. Frozen promises to make the entire Philippines as modern and upgraded as Makati, my first thought is always, Wish ko lang. I can’t even force PLDT to repair my landline and Internet connection ASAP.

If it were Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte making promises to make this country free from crime, traffic, over-speeding, smoking, and littering, then that I can believe as a possible scenario, of course with Duterte at the helm. But Mr. Frozen was not finished yet with his speech. Let’s continue listening… “Hangad ko na magkaroon ang bansa nang maayos na pamamahala upang marami at hindi lang iilan ang makikinabang sa kaunlarang maaabot natin.” Oh. Please define “hindi lang iilan ang makikinabang.” With all the allegations–plunder, anyone?–that were hurled against him, isn’t he one of those suspected to be nakikinabang? But since the temporary verdict is innocent until proven guilty, then he’s free to attack those “iilan” who are nakikinabang.

The allegations have supposedly made him suffer, thus, “May hangganan ang pagtitiis ng isang tao. Tama na. Sobra na. Bakit hindi nila ako harapin sa malinis na halalan?” Hmmm. I gotta feeling if he loses in the presidential election next year, he’ll blame it on a “halalan” that is not “malinis” while throwing more snowballs at the administration.