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THE staff of a caterer was arranging chairs and tables at a friend’s house, the one with a view, far away from it all, and with only 29 other houses in this new village. He’s the type of staff who had probably been to too many houses since his boss is one of the most popular caterers in Cagayan de Oro. He was talking with his co-employee and said that if he goes “tagay” in that house, he has to pretend he’s drinking with a friend, but he could get drunk easily since he also has to gulp down the shots meant for that pretend-friend. Haha.

Honesty is not the only lonely word. Loneliness must be the loneliest word and people living in villages far far away and with only a few neighbors are expected to feel mingaw. But nothing is supposed to be lonelier than an old single woman who has no potential boyfriend in sight, who travels with her siblings and their families or with her friends since–haller!–she’s single, who goes around with no companion until she shrivels into a raisin, never to be noticed again.

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This is the old woman who hasn’t thought that a husband, boyfriend or partner would make her life complete or at least more financially stable since two sources of income are better than one. All the while she thought she’s doing OK until even friends would tell her she should be lonely since she practically lives alone. Even a close friend would be tempted to tell her, Loner diay ka.

And time is running out for her marketability. Friends tell her she should look for a man before it’s too late. But she can’t grab any man but only the man who will marry her. Love is not an important part of the equation here. It’s all about companionship since old couples are not supposed to have the energy anymore for sex. O my gas. You have a companion but you’re not having sex. Isn’t that such a lonely bedroom without a view?

An old single man, on the other hand, is not pressured by his friends to look for a companion. He travels with his family and friends, he goes around by himself, and yet no one would dare say he’s lonely. He’s complete as he is and is not classified as alone.

Even the old single woman notices other old single women who have no more spark in their eyes, that is, if ever they had that spark before becoming old. With all this unsolicited advice now for her to marry before it’s too late, she wonders if other people also see her that way–as the old single woman with no more spark in her eyes, with no more sexiness in her mile-wide hips, with no more juices to share. If they see her as this dried-up old woman, drier than the brown leaves that keep falling from the trees outside her house where she practically lives by herself, drier than her dry hair, drier than parched earth, drier than the Sahara, as empty as the Angat Dam if ever it would reach that point of no return.

Well, here are some parts of the “Buti Pa Siya” poem that any old single person may be able to relate with. The more complete version is on Facebook.

“Buti pa ang pera, ini-ingatan
Buti pa ang mahjong, sinasalat
Buti pa ang damo, dinidiligan
Yung iba diyan, hindi
“Buti pa ang sobre, nadidilaan
Buti pa ang susi, naipapasok
Buti pa ang itlog, binabati
Yung sa iba diyan, hindi
“Buti pa ang doorbell, pinipindot
Buti pa ang keyboard, napi-finger
Buti pa ang bola, nilalaro
Yung sa iba diyan, hindi…”
Hahaha!

Wait, fingering now requires a partner in crime? Hmmm.

With this much pressure on the old single woman to have a companion, no wonder there are some women who are proud of having husbands, boyfriends or partners, short of declaring loudly, Akin siya!

There are women who say they now prefer fellow women but still end up marrying a man anyway for that’s the generally accepted marrying principle. They may suffer in bed since they’re no longer attracted to men, not even if he’s already her husband, but they have to do it for the sake of financial security. That must be lonelier than the life of an old single woman who’s supposed to be lonely. Imagine having sex with someone who makes you feel as cold as the North and South Poles. Ugh. That’s more dried up than the old single woman’s dry hair.

And even the woman who prefers women but is married to a man can now relate with the poem.

“Buti pa ang tennis, may love
Buti pa ang bees, may honey
Buti pa ang Chemistry, may lab
Yung ibang tao, wala.”

Men are already marrying men, and women are marrying women, but the old single woman remains a phenomenon that most people can’t fathom. She’s pretty, so why is she not married? Sayang, guapa unta iyang liwat. Walay magmana sa iyang kayamanan.

The norm is still to marry and have children. If you don’t follow the norm, you’re not one of a kind–you’re merely alone and lonely. People probably suspect your house is filled with cats and cobwebs, with piles of books, magazines and newspapers, and instant noodles is your most favorite food group–just add hot water.

If you read one more book, there’s the friend telling you, No wonder you’re single. Since reading, like writing, is such a lonely hobby. Try reading on an airplane, if that doesn’t silence the obnoxious character seated next to you, then it’s time to call Superman.

Being single does have its perks. You can get drunk with no one complaining about your beer breath. You can have all the pulutan you want without anyone complaining about your excess pounds, spare tires, and cottage-cheese thighs. And you can make “tagay” by facing a mirror and saying, Cheers!

But there’s this old single woman who doesn’t even drink anymore. Instead, she watches “Pangako Sa ‘Yo” without thinking of the man who can give her that pangako. She plays “Clumsy Ninja” without thinking of loving a clumsy ninja. She reads a book without suspecting this must be one reason she’s still single. On a Saturday morning, her main concern is to finish this column already before her EIC Herbie Gomez texts her with that single word: “Column?” Hehe.

Today is today and tomorrow is another day. That’s one thing for sure not only for the old single men and women but even for all the married people on this planet Earth, the men who are married to men, the women who are married to women, and so on and so forth, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. Each of us is looking at that same Moon and that same Sun, and it’s up to us now on how to live on this Earth without suspecting there’s that one person enjoying a better view of that Moon and Sun. Or else we will always feel like, “buti pa ang probability, may chance; yung ibang tao, wala.”

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