Netnet Camomot  THERE are now three colors running for city mayor in Cagayan de Oro--yellow, violet and orange. Cagayanons are predicting violet will win since the anti-violet vote will now be divided between yellow and orange. Violet has a daughter and son-in-law in the city council, and a son is the governor of Misamis Oriental. Orange has a brother in Congress, a sister as barangay captain, and is wishing his wife will win and replace him as District 2’s representative. Meanwhile, yellow’s son sent lechon to a local radio station whose owner is a violet fan. Wait, what’s the connection between the lechon and the relatives of violet and orange? As you can see, yellow has no spouse or child clinging to any political position. Only the yellow mayor himself is into politics, which could make him more credible than the other two who have been building their political dynasties ever so quietly. OK, not that quietly. Subtlety is not a word they subscribe to. The lechon may have been yellow and the recipient violet but political colors are erased once the focus shifts to food. If only that lechon ended up on the owner's buffet table, then there would have been peace throughout the land. But it didn't. And the lechon's replacement arrived late for dinner. Thus, three employees were fired for a lechon which should have sported a tag that says, For radio station owner only. I don't know if this is the first time for anyone to be fired for eating lechon. There have been many times when I found food in the fridge, treated it as a pleasant surprise, and devoured it without bothering to ask if someone stored it there for his own personal consumption. Once its rightful owner later asks where that particular meal went, I'd simply point at my tummy. Food that's meant for my midnight cravings, I store it in the bedroom's fridge to avoid any miscommunication between me and the house help. But with those cravings now limited to wheat bread and mayo, the house help even have more food in their fridge downstairs, where the meat, chicken, fish, eggs, veggies, cold cuts, hotdogs are stored along with their snacks that include bread, sandwich spread, cookies, etc. They also have their coffee, choco drinks, and fruit juice. We now avoid sugar when we could and use honey for our coffee, so they get to have all the sugary treats that we buy for them. They can eat all the food in the fridge and cupboard as long as they're not bringing them out for their families, boyfriends and friends. Lechon, however, is a different food group. After all, the best lechon--the young one--is P3,500 which could be good for a week's groceries, so, if it's gone even before your fangs could sink into its crispy skin, well, I guess it's understandable for you to say, Lechon pa more? No need to fret, though. Campaign season is almost here and that surely means lechon season, too, with candidates courting us with buffet tables bursting with all kinds of fiesta dishes. Yum! Do avoid thinking how these candidates will make bawi once they win otherwise you'll lose your appetite. Think of it as your future share of the loot because by the time the real loot is there, the winning candidate will share it only with his chosen few who, of course, don't include you. Besides, in this day and age of pork barrel scams and plunder investigations, would you still risk having your name attached to fake NGOs? For now, use turmeric for that orange tinge in your ube and mango ice creams, and savor the concoction's confusing taste while you still can since we gotta feeling ube will be the city's flavor after next year's election. Back to violet flyovers, violet curtains hanging at the city mayor's office, and most probably violet fountainheads at Gaston Park. Well, at least the fountainheads will be back, for that's what former fans of the yellow mayor have been looking for: Where are the fountainheads? That will be a good campaign slogan for mayoral candidates: Vote for me and I'll bring back the fountainheads! Then, they will encourage everyone to read Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" which will awaken future constituents into believing that there is indeed a Howard Roark and it's definitely not the mayoral candidate. But a little birdie told me politicians would rather have uneducated constituents who don't read and write and who will believe every lie that politicians tell them. Kind of a white paper. So, the world is flat and square, the sun revolves around it, and the moon is the sun sleeping at night. Lucky is the politician who can first write whatever he wants on that white paper. We got another feeling that the violets and oranges have agreed to merge forces in order to kick the yellow party out of city hall. But why should the orange congressman run for mayor? Can't he be the violet mayor's vice instead? And all along we thought the yellows and oranges are working together as yellow-orange as they did in 2013, thus, kicking the violets out of city hall, for there's no such thing as a yellow-violet or violet-orange unless you're now into combining tints for your adult coloring books. No, not adult as in Xated. Adult as in 18 and above who use coloring books as their R&R from this oh so politically confusing world. I wasn't aware how serious these adults are until a friend texted me to look for a Bollywood coloring book at National Book Store, and my minute brain had to digest that for a while: You mean, there's a theme? And when the book store's sales staff said they've run out of stock, my minute brain went churning again: You mean they're selling like Sen. Miriam Santiago's books? Or even better. So, I advised my friend to go to Fully Booked which has begun displaying those coloring books right there near its entrance. If ever you're now ordering those coloring books from abroad and they're now arriving here in balikbayan boxes, beware of the taxes that the Bureau of Customs may charge on your R&R. In other words, Good luck na lang! For the BOC will always suspect you're now selling those coloring books to your friends. The bodega has balikbayan boxes filled with books that I've already read, old clothes, encyclopedias, etc., and there are more balikbayan boxes here filled with piggies, bags, bed sheets, blankets. If the BOC sees these, surely they'd again think these are for sale as used items in a garage sale, but then it will be the Bureau of Internal Revenue collecting taxes for that. Pinoys say government collectors are now more rabid in collecting taxes because the election is near. I understand that to mean as funds for the Comelec to run smoothly. And please don't tempt me to think that the taxes are for some political candidates' campaign funds. If it's true that government agencies have to produce funds for politicians running in the election next year, then happy days are here again for those who may not even release that money to their potential constituents but will instead keep that as savings in case they lose. How about that for the Law of Attraction? Since there's more probability of them losing if they don't release that money to the wild, so that they're now caught in between victory and, hmmm, savings. The candidate who releases funds to the wild may win, thanks to the Pinoy who received the P100 and was able to feed his family right before Election Day. He will remember the grateful look in his children's eyes, which will hopefully inspire him to vote for the candidate who made that possible. If there are employees who can be fired for eating lechon, anything is possible now. Try shopping for groceries while hungry. Try listening to a political candidate's promises while hungry. Try working while hungry. Even an employer who's looking forward to a feast can go crazy when the lechon is not there. Me? I'd morph into Incredible Hulk if I find out that the Fablues' potato salad in the fridge has disappeared before I could pair it with Fablues' battered chicken.