“The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout.”
THERE was an itsy bitsy spider in my bathroom. It didn’t go up the water spout. It stayed in the bathroom for a few days and I let it be. After all, it’s itsy bitsy. What harm could it do?
And then, on Wednesday morning, it crawled out of the bathroom and went straight to the bedroom. Where I could not let it be.
If you can sleep with a spider jumping on your bed, we could have switched bedrooms on Wednesday morning. But I was unaware then of your sleeping habits, so, that spider ceased to exist on that same morning.
It could have continued to exist as a live insect killer while catching mosquitoes, flies, bugs, and other unidentified flying and crawling objects in its web. It could have helped stop climate change. It could have morphed into Spider-Man. But all these possibilities ceased to become possible, because I’m afraid of spiders. I’d rather have some yummy Spider-Man in bed with me, rather than a spider that still has to morph into Spidey.
Next in line in this phobia list: cockroaches. If that word has the first syllable only, and it’s attached to Spidey, the yikes and eww would morph into moans and yummy screams. Which reminds me of French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati who failed to win an Olympic medal, no thanks to the size of his, hmmm, first syllable. Definitely not itsy bitsy.
A porn site is now offering him a starring role, with its VP Daryn Parker saying, “If it was up to me, I’d award you for what everyone else saw, your talent below the belt.” Which may bring me back to the second and third syllables of cockroaches: roaches. Yikes. Eww. “Talents below the belt” are better off kept private rather than made public for the whole world to see.
Third on the fear list: toxic people. Ay, mas toxic pa diay ang spiders and roaches kay sa toxic people? Perhaps because once I sense toxicity, I now know that it’s a warning for me to focus on something else. Kind of “Look at the stars/Look how they shine for you/And everything you do.”
I’m now focusing on… Wait, Carlos Yulo’s mom and girlfriend are not in good terms? He and his mom are not in good terms? PBBM and VP Sara Duterte are not in good terms?
Anyway, back to what I’m focusing on. Oh, VP Duterte has how many guards? Almost 400? That’s net of 75 guards, whose removal she called as “political harassment”? Which reminds me of the 2006 movie “300”: Spartans!
The battles then were bloody. Based on what “300” cinematically revealed, that is. Nowadays, the one who controls the nuclear button controls the world. Or what former U.S. President George W. Bush called “nucular.”
Muscular? The Spartans, yes, they were muscular. But nucular was how Bush pronounced nuclear, and he’s not alone in that department. I used to mispronounce ironic as ayornik.
Finally, back to what I’m focusing on. Oh. There’s another itsy bitsy spider and it’s in my bedroom. Too many distractions. Whew.
