BEFORE anything else, I sincerely apologize for the TMI — too much information — details in this column. At least you will now know the challenges that a carnivore faces daily.
After waking up on Tuesday morning, I was sitting on the toilet when I heard a sound that constantly repeated like clockwork. I thought it was coming from my bloated stomach.
The bloating happens when I’ve eaten anything plant-based, so, the consistent sound worried me. Unlike the usual bloating that can imitate thunder, this particular sound kept on repeating, complete with an exact length of silence in between. Like some kind of ticktock — ticktock, seconds of silence, repeat. I looked around and that’s when I realized the sound was coming from the toilet tank. Whew. Deep sigh of relief.
For a while there, I began to suspect that it was my kidneys, liver, pancreas, appendix, small intestine, large intestine, hmmm, what other parts are in there that were taught in Biology while I was fighting off sleep? Or was that in Geology? Hehe.
The carnivore diet is thought to cause constipation due to lack of fiber, but my morning ritual is still daily, thus, there I was, sitting on the bathroom throne on Tuesday morning.
I worry, though, when it — you know, it — refuses to come out before I go to the gym. With all the lifting, throwing, bending, swaying, twisting, turning, squatting, lunging, dancing, isolating, undulating, etc. in Zumba, Belly Motions, Fit Punch, Boot Camp, Xtreme Core Workout, Cardio Blast, Glutes Workout, Strong Nation, and personal training, any gym rat would want that tummy to be empty before gym-ing.
This tummy can rumble like frats at war if given the chance to ingest any plant, veggie oil, and fake food. Bloating is its way of warning me: enough already! And I will then wonder, Is it the bean in the halo-halo? The ube halaya in the halo-halo? The ube ice cream in the halo-halo? I can enumerate all of the halo-halo ingredients and still come up with my most convenient analysis: Oh, it must be the butter used in cooking the beef patties. “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt,” as the idiom goes.
Butter comes from a cow, it’s animal-based, but it still makes my tummy angry. Perhaps because it’s dairy.
The halo-halo causes bloating, too, of course. It’s its nature to do that to a tummy that prefers meat.
Fear is now what holds me back each time I see carbs, the fear of what those carbs can do to me. Curiosity used to be the major factor in my diet: I wonder how yummy that is. But now, even if I know how yummy halo-halo is, the first thought that comes to mind is, Afraid.
Some of the gym’s neighbors happen to be restos and cafes that serve carbs only. One look at their menu can make me flee to a steakhouse. The latest carbo-loading place that opened nearby is Oh Waffles & Crepes. No need to ask what their menu says. Before this, there was the first ever drive-thru Starbucks in Cagayan de Oro, which made a gym friend extremely happy. He used to go to downtown CDO for his Starbucks coffee.
Carbs are here, there, and everywhere. If you’re the only carnivore in a sea of high-carb dieters, good luck na lang.
