Netnet Camomot
SO many books, so many movies, so many countries, so little time. Definitely looking forward to the time when the time won’t be so little!
I now stare at my unread books and wonder, When? The reading was supposed to start last July 1. Now, it’s beginning to look a lot like… No, not Christmas. A lot like next July 1.
Mocha Uson will not have to wait for the next July 1 to read, though. Wait, it’s more like writing for her. Columnizing, that is. She now has a column in a national broadsheet, that is, if its president’s daughter will allow her to write even a single word. With the way things are going in social media, it’s beginning to look a lot like never: that daughter wants her out, now na.
Of course, Ms. Uson replied, “Ako po ay hindi journalist…”
Years ago, there was this question posted on Facebook on whether a columnist is a journalist. Well, I’ve never pretended to be one. I took up Accounting in college, became a CPA, and even the CPA has been reduced to chicken pork adobo for me. Financial statements now give me headaches.
I write because I love to write. There’s this meme on Facebook that goes, “Just because I can’t sing, doesn’t mean I won’t sing.” Here’s hoping my writing doesn’t sound like, Just because I can’t write, doesn’t mean I won’t write.
Ms. Uson began to appear on my Facebook newsfeed recently. I didn’t know who she was, so the posts were simply ignored. Then, she was appointed to a position in government, but if the controversy on where to bury the late dictator could only inspire me to stare at more trees, why should I care who’s sitting where?
President Rody Duterte’s PI-peppered statements were then enough to fill up my minute brain, I didn’t need more info to be packed like sardines in there. His PIs--not for Philippine Islands-equired a room to breathe. His PIs made me think: Hmmm, I wish I could say that to…
Good for Pres. Duterte--he can say what he means all the time. No filter.
While, we, ordinary mortals, are reduced to whimpering minions when facing… Wait, what? Whimper? Minions? Think again.
But don’t you love those minions, with their gibberish ending up as memes such as this: “When a woman says, ‘What?’, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She is giving you a chance to change what you said.”
Or this: “An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”
Or this: “Hardest job ever. Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self-control needed.”
How many times have I asked, Unsa?! Translated to English, that’s, Whaaaaat?!
And there are times when it’s, What the…? Darn. Kagana ba gyud labayan ug apple. And that’s when you wanna grab a bubble wrap.
Minions use all languages in their dialogues. Yeah, they’re linguists. They even know alien language, they can talk with E.T.
A writer has to communicate, too, like the minions. And if ever he’s misunderstood, it’s not his fault—it’s the reader’s fault for taking his words out of context. Haha!
I think I heard President Duterte say that his statement was taken out of context. I don’t know how a PI could be taken out of context if it doesn’t mean Philippine Islands. So, I’m sure he was referring to other statements outside of his usual PI. He’s the country’s president, he has to keep on explaining himself until people get what he means.
The US went to the polls yesterday to vote for their new president. There’s no result yet as of this writing. This is one election that immigrants are wary of—if Donald Trump wins, he’s expected to build a wall between the US and Mexico. So, imagine what he can do to US-visa hopefuls like Pinoys.
“Saturday Night Live” had been showing satires of Trump and Hillary Clinton starring Alec Baldwin and Kate McKinnon. Focusing on the debates, those satires were always funny, the kind you would prefer over the real debates. For, no matter how politics can resemble “real,” it will never be as real as the diet I’m trying to keep up with because, as the minions said, “Every time I make plans to eat better, I can hear my stomach laughing.”
For the rest of us, ordinary mortals, if we have to keep on explaining ourselves to people we consider as friends, most probably they’re not our friends. And, of course, the narrow-minded would again take this out of context and say, I deserve an explanation!
Juice colored. And here’s another perfect meme for that, thanks to the minions: “I love how coffee fixes everything. Tired? Drink some coffee. Headache? Drink coffee. Cold? Drink coffee. Someone makes you angry? Bust them in the head with the cup!”
But caffeine--coffee, diet soda, iced tea--can keep me awake all night, so that, “I go to sleep so late and wake up so early that I almost cross myself in the hallway.” Yup, that meme is from the minions again.
And for sleepless nights, here’s the minions’ advice for your excess eye baggage: “Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.”
