Nora Sorino ILIGAN City––Here are some treats in the form of jokes in connection with the dear departed which we are not only remembering with our minds but with our visits in their final resting places. Lawyer (to woman seeking divorce): “He is 96 and you are 94. Why are you seeking divorce just now?” Woman: “I have brought this up 10 years ago when he was 86 and I was 84. But he told me that we will have to wait til all our children have died...”
  • •
Desperate man: “I’m going to end it all. I am jumping from the 4th floor of this building!” Friend: “But friend, this building has only two floors!” Desperate man: “I’m going to jump two times!”
  • •
Lawyer (cross examining a man): “You said you are a very peaceful man. Then why did  you throw this brick on the head of that man?” Man on the stand: “Yes, Sir. I am a very peaceful man. That’s why I threw this brick on him. And after that he became as peaceful as ever!”
  • •
The tourist guide saw that one of the student tourists  on a visit to the old city hall which was also a tourist destination was trembling with fear. “There are no ghosts here, not even ghost employees. That I can tell you in my long years as tourist guide here.” The student looked at the old guide and asked: “Why, Sir, how many years have you served as a tourist guide?” Tourist guide: “Four hundred years.”
  • •
Wife (in front of ailing hubby in hospital): “Huh huh. My husband is already dead." Husband: “No, I’m still alive!” Wife: “Yes, you’re already dead. The doctor said so.”
  • •
Salesman  (to prospective buyer): “Buy this mat. This is a very rare mat, a magical one.” Prospective buyer: “Why is that?” Salesman: Because the mat survives, long before the one who sleeps on it has died!”
  • •
The prospective customer asked the coffin salesman the benefit of the item he was selling as he was healthy and did not need it yet. The salesman replied: “You can in the meantime use it as a bed. Or as a table in the meantime!” Happy halloween.