Rhona Canoy SO... let’s talk about parenting in the 21st century. Something we all assume we know how to do. Something we think hasn’t changed through the years. Something that causes the most amount of stress in any household. When did being a parent get so easy and so hard all at the same time? Let’s talk technology. Cell phones—everybody has one. Gadgets and tablets—everybody has one. Internet connectivity—everybody has it. Social media accounts—everybody has one or two or three. But parents are the least connected to their children now than ever before. Just because we can talk to our kids anytime doesn’t mean that we TALK to them. We have confused technological connection with human connection. We parents don’t really know what our kids like, who their friends are, what they’d rather be doing. We say we know them but do we, really? We don’t know how they feel. We actually are good at upsetting them, but not that good at resolving those conflicts. We have gotten good at bribing them with stuff just to make them like us. Not be like us. Like us, as in “I like you!” So here come the words we don’t want to hear. Our job is to be parents, not their best friend or their barkada or their confidant. It is our job to guide them. It is not easy to navigate in the world they are going to live in. We cannot make them be what we want them to be. We can only help them figure out who they are and how they intend to become the good people we hope they will be. No amount of rules, prison-like surroundings, strictness, harsh punishments will make them the people we think they should be. It is our job to teach them to dream, and then to go after that dream. It is our job to show them what we are trying to teach them by being that. Parenting doesn’t happen with “Do as I say.” Parenting happens with “Do what I do.” If we want our kids to shine, to succeed, to be caring and compassionate, to be hard-working, to be good people, we have to show them. That’s the hardest part of all. We tell our kids we love them, and that they are the most important things in our lives. But we are never home, because the work and the business are more important. We don’t get involved with their school because it cuts into the workday. When their teachers ask us to go and discuss what’s going on with them at school, are we ready to drop everything because our kids are the most important things in our lives? I don’t think so... When things take a left turn, we sure are present to tell them they aren’t good enough. We tell them what we want them to be, and how to be we want them to be. We ignore them when things are going well because it’s such a relief not to be bothered by problems. But then we are first in line to claim their victories—the academic awards, the sports awards, the best-of awards. And we parade them around as if they are our accomplishments. My daughter (who is now an amazing wife, mom and career person—all thanks to me hahaha) once put me in my place. When I was going on and on and on about what a disappointment she was to me, and how she was depriving herself of all the wonderful things in her future, she turned to me with a determined look and said these words which I shall carry with me to my grave: “I understand why you’re disappointed, mama, why you’re upset at all the things you think I will never be. You’re disappointed because those dreams will never come true. But those are YOUR dreams for me, mama... not mine. Save your disappointment for when I can’t make my dreams come true because I know they will. So... no, mama, there’s nothing to be disappointed about.”