Rhona Canoy
SO… My last couple of days have been consumed by damage control. Someone posted a status on Facebook that went viral, which says that a kidnapping occurred in my small school. Of course, with social media being what it is, the false information has found its way onto thousands of Facebook walls and has created quite a stir. On top of that, everyone is also on tenterhooks regarding our country’s security situation so any news about kidnapping, especially here in Cagayan de Oro and Mindanao in general will create a big buzz.
Before anything else, let me say that there was no kidnapping in the crime and security sense of the word. But I have been working in a school environment for more than 22 years and the changes in demeanor and structure of our families is one which fills me with dismay and disappointment. Domestic issues are a lot more common now, and certainly a lot more volatile. Schools by default will become the ham in the ham sandwich because it is the common ground for couples who may have gone their separate ways, with children involved in the equation.
Child custody as a legal concern has been much overlooked. We pride ourselves on being able to “sabot-sabot” these things, and I suppose generally that works. But when there is a tug-of-war and these children are pulled in many different directions, it is saddening to see. For parents, there is a lack of awareness that their children are being negatively affected by this contest. For those of us who spend our time with these kids, it is more than evident. We have to struggle with how these children cope, and what kinds of behaviors they exhibit when away from their parents.
We are often blamed for lying or exaggerating when we report these behaviors to mom and/or dad. Bear in mind that schools are where children spend most of their waking hours. So we do see more than we are given credit for. Bullies are often those who are bullied at home. Liars are mostly those who are lied to by parents. Depressed kids are usually those who are ignored or made to feel insignificant. And these are just the tip of the iceberg.
These children are our best interests. They will grow up carrying the scars and wounds inflicted in a war not of their doing. The fact that many couples find their partnerships disposable and not worth working at will always show. Commitment is a concept that is almost impossible nowadays to sow in our children because they don’t see it at home. And yet it is the one thing in character that is necessary in order to become and to achieve anything. It is the foundation of steadfastness, it is the fuel that allows no surrender.
I have raised too many children in my school who have lacked the proper parenting that they needed to grow as worthwhile individuals. I am not claiming that their growth was my doing. But I am saying that it is difficult to find oneself substituting for the real thing. Children need parents, not parent substitutes.
It is so easy for us to mouth the words, “Our children are our future.” If we are to believe the truth in this, then we must start honoring them and teaching them from the very beginning. Parents will, throughout their parenting career, have many partners in this endeavor. If you are a parent, pay attention. How you treat your children matters because that is how they will treat others. Who your children’s friends are matter because it reveals the kind of persons your kids are becoming. What kind of atmosphere your child is exposed to in school is important because school is their second home, the valuable lessons they will learn in school will not be reflected in report cards but rather in what they become as people.
Children, after all, are all that we have.
