ONCE upon a time, I had a desk decor that had this: “You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it helps.”

Nowadays, I apply that to my carnivore diet: You don’t have to be crazy to be in this diet, but it helps. Because only the truly, madly, deeply determined can stick to the diet for at least seven days.

Yes, seven days. After that, good luck na lang since most probably you’re the only one trying to stay carnivore or low-carb in this corner of the world.

The advice is to be carnivore for at least 30 days to experience the perks. By then, you’re expected to stay carnivore for 60 more days to see more favorable results after 90 days. That’s a total of three months, after which you’ll decide to stick to the carnivore diet with no desire to return to the past that gave you hypertension, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, brain fog, etc. Weight loss is simply a bonus in the carnivore diet.

But here I am now, barely able to keep up with the diet as I hop from one carbo-loading episode to the next. Because I want answers to my FOMO—fear of missing out. Is the binignit as delish as Fat Chef’s bilo-bilo? Is the halo-halo as yummy as Jacks Halo Halo’s taro-ube overload? Is the biko as smooth as Nia Ra Jud’s biko? Plus there’s my sis Joan’s blueberry cheesecake. MiMo Cafe’s espresso canele and bibingka croissant. Coach Jowen Racines’s Basque cheesecake. I have carbo-loading standards. Hehe.

I also have carnivore standards. Mamou’s ribeye. Barkadahan Grill’s grilled liempo. Roadhouse’s sinugbang baboy. Fat Chef’s gyudon. Hap Chan’s sweet and sour pork. Yum!

Focus on the meat and forget the carbs? Hmmm.

Carbs are here, there, and everywhere. Much like floods are here, there, and everywhere in Cagayan de Oro when it’s raining cats and dogs.

On Sunday, we decided to visit a friend early to avoid the rain and floods in the afternoon. But once carbs are right in front of us, these are best paired with chika. So, we ate and talked, and ate and talked pa more.

The topic eventually went down memory lane as I and a friend remembered that time way back in the ‘90s when the SuperFerry 5 almost left us and another friend behind at Dumaguete during its stopover there from Cebu. We lost track of the time while touring Dumaguete.

By the time we arrived at the port area, a guy near the gate was waving at us, and we wondered why. It was only when we reached the gate that we could hear him saying, The ship left without you!

Oops. And there’s that quote again: You don’t have to be crazy to leave a ship while it’s in a short stopover, but it helps.

Good thing the captain, whom we befriended before we left the ship for our short tour, decided to come back for us. We had to kind of jump into a hole on the side of the humongous ship which continued moving, by the way, since it couldn’t drop the anchor anymore. We were much younger then, we could still jump.

At my current age, despite my progress at the gym, I’m sure I won’t jump into a moving ship anymore. I’m not Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise). Haha. Instead, I’ll stay overnight at Dumaguete and wait for the next ship for CDO.