If watching Vice President Sara Duterte’s Senate impeachment trial is how you’re passing the time these days, good luck with your stress management.
And your anger management, too, if you’re fuming over how Mary Grace Piattos allegedly received P70,000 from the VP’s confidential funds.
Or maybe you’re on the other side. If you believe VP Sara is the best president Pinas could ever have, you’re probably angry at the people who impeached her in the first place.
I have my own Mary Grace issues. Mary Grace is one of my favorite cafes in Manila, and Jack ‘n Jill Piattos Sour Cream and Onion was one of my favorite snacks back when I was still proudly on a high-carb diet.
If you’re going to invent an alias, there are more creative options. Combine Jack ‘n Jill products: Chippy Presto, Cream-O Dewberry, Pretzels Tortillos, Potato Chips Tostillas, XO Roller Coaster, Chooey Choco Cloud 9, and Chiz Nova—as in Chiz Curls and not Senator Chiz Escudero, presiding officer of the impeachment trial.
Or just use the brand names straight: Mang Juan, Mr. Chips, Magic, Nips, V-Cut.
We grew up on those snacks. Mama had one drawer at home that was always filled—and refilled—with Jack ‘n Jill everything. My top pick was Chippy Barbecue, with Potato Chips Classic as a close second. Chocolate Pretzels made it to the list, too. Later, when Jack ‘n Jill expanded its empire, I added Piattos and Presto Peanut Butter to my personal faves.
Then there’s the nursery rhyme that suddenly feels political:
“Jack and Jill went up the hill / To fetch a pail of water / Jack fell down and broke his crown / And Jill came tumbling after.”
Doesn’t that sound familiar? In 2022, Jack—that’s BBM, minus the P, since he only got that extra letter after becoming president—and Jill—his vice presidential candidate Sara Duterte—went up the hill as the UniTeam. Meaning, they campaigned like no other. To fetch a pail of water—to win the election. Jack fell down and broke his crown—except BBM won and got his crown. And Jill came tumbling after—the UniTeam fell apart, and now it's only her who's tumbling.
The die-hard Duterte fan still wants two things: VP Sara as president in 2028, and former President Rodrigo Duterte out of The Hague and back home. Suntok sa buwan. Wishful thinking. But he can dream, can’t he?
For the oldest Pinoy generation, the president they remember from their youth is PBBM’s father, former President Ferdinand Marcos Sr., also remembered as a dictator who allegedly amassed massive wealth through illegal means—wealth that is supposedly still hidden in secretive banks abroad.
So every time there’s a clamor for a government official to release his Statement of Assets, Liabilities, and Net Worth (SALN), my first thought is always: How about the Marcoses’ SALN? Should it be, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”?
And anyway, does a SALN tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
For now, the Pinoy might as well sing “Tomorrow,” with some lyric changes—sun to truth, dollar to peso:
The truth’ll come out tomorrow / Bet your bottom peso that tomorrow there’ll be truth / Just thinking about tomorrow / Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow ‘til there’s none.
