LET me take you back to one fine Friday last week. Jan, a colleague, gave me what started as a great compliment: “Ma’am Mae, you’re the winner today. You look great!” If he had stopped there, it would have been perfect. But then he added, “Aging gracefully.” Ouch. All I could do was laugh and say, “Why couldn’t you have stopped at ‘You look great!’?” He tried to laugh it off, but the new hires around us held their breath — unsure whether to join in or stay silent.
That moment took me back to another office lunch, where the conversation turned to older men and women dating younger partners. Laughter erupted, and someone casually dropped the word cougar — and before I knew it, the topic had shifted to me.
It made me wonder: Am I a cougar, or just confident?
Has anybody ever called you a cougar? Or are you too embarrassed to admit it? Just for us to be aligned in our understanding, let’s consult Mr. Google. Cougar is a slang term for an older woman who dates a much younger man. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that — no judgment here. But isn’t it interesting how this topic is taboo or comical in societal norms?
Now, let me ask: Why do compliments about aging often come with a backhanded twist? When you’re younger, a compliment is just that — a compliment. But as you age, it often comes with a warning, a subtle reminder of the passing years. I’m confident at 55 — backhanded compliments, cougar labels, or otherwise. That confidence draws younger men in — the presence of an independent, empowered woman who owns it.
I first heard the term cougar from a TV series of the same name. It was lighthearted and funny, so I never found the word offensive. But here’s the thing: Why don’t we have an equivalent slang term for older men dating younger women? Instead, they’re called distinguished or successful. No one bats an eye when a man dates someone decades younger — he’s praised, even admired. But when the roles are suddenly reversed, there’s judgment. It’s as if a woman daring to date a younger man is branded with a scarlet letter.
And that brings us back to the cougar label — another example of society’s double standards. No matter how much we claim times have changed, how norms have evolved, and how inclusivity has expanded — certain biases stay deeply ingrained.
So, how do you handle comments about aging? Humor helps. Fighting it outright only reinforces the idea that aging is something to resist. And while society’s perception of beauty, relationships, and age won’t shift overnight, we can start by refusing to let outdated labels define us.
As for my stance on women dating younger men? There’s nothing wrong with it — as long as both parties are happy, no one is being hurt, and it’s not just for amusement or curiosity. At the end of the day, confidence — at any age — wins over labels. Don’t lose your sense of self.
