Drag on

A little lizard fell on my lap after I wrote that column about Mushu, the dragon—not lizard—in “Mulan.”

Some lizards can be so kapal ng fez. The nerve. How dare they. Even Mushu doesn’t want to be them. But they’re important in the circle of life. They’ve even threatened the relevance of the electronic mosquito killer.

But one day, isang araw, I saw a cute lizard on the floor near the bedroom fridge, and it was as flat as the floor. Oh. I stepped on it? Sorry po.

I must have woken up in the middle of the night and too sleepy to turn the lights on when I opened the fridge and didn’t see that lizard crawling around. Tsk tsk. I’m guessing the electronic mosquito killer is happy now—restored relevance, yay.

The Chinese zodiac signs don’t have the gecko, the lizard that falls on people’s laps. But the signs do have the snake and rat. I could almost hear the cockroach, spider, mosquito, fly, and all other pests that may also call your home as their home, complaining with an emphatic It’s unfair! Why are we not there!

Imagine being born in the Year of the Mosquito. The Year of the Spider. The Year of the Cockroach.

And here I am, so proud of being a Dragon. No wonder the gecko fell on my lap, because the Dragon is a leveled-up lizard. “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Haha.

I couldn’t have tikoy anymore. And no more pancit and Chinese fried rice. No thanks to the low-carb diet. I remember way back in college when our Chinese classmates would bring Chinese New Year goodies for us. Yum!

Chinese restos usually have the yummiest siomai, siopao, pata tim, sweet and sour pork, xiaolongbao, spring rolls, Peking roast duck, chow mein, wonton soup, fried rice, etc. Now, if I eat siomai, siopao, xiaolongbao, and other dishes that have carbs, I have to remove the carb part.

At the Cagayan de Oro Press Club election, baked siopao was the snacks, and I didn’t eat the bun.

From the Christmas season to February 2, when my high-carb indulgence was at its peak, I’d always justify that as worth the carbs. But after realizing the side effects—coughs, skin allergies, body pains, hypertension, brain fog, etc.—were not worth it, it’s goodbye again to carbs. Murag sirang plaka, no? Carbs, no carbs, repeat. Whew.

During the rare times when I’m asked about the carnivore diet, the first thought that comes to mind is Animal! Yes, with an exclamation point. Haha.

Meat is the only food group allowed for carnivores. Including lizards and dragons. Insects and other pests. They’re not carbs, right? But eww.

If only steaks were cheap here, that’s the meat I could have daily. But since I’m in Pinas, the next best thing is the bulalo. Yum!

Chicken doesn’t taste good anymore. Fish is yummier, as long as it’s bangus belly or pompano. So, beef, pork, fish. And I’ve learned to use cream, cream cheese, and butter as desserts.