Beauties with no beasts

Netnet Camomot

PEACH and impeach sound the same but they’re not the same. Peach is a fruit. Impeach is… Wait, let’s ask the ever reliable—hehe—Wikipedia, which defines impeach as a motion “used to bring an accusation against a person.”

Impeach is the complicated one while a peach is… Well, it’s yummy and fills the tummy. People are free to choose which of the two to indulge in.

The latest calls for impeachment are being aimed at President Rody Duterte and Vice President Leni Robredo, depending on which team the aimer belongs to. Pinoys love to impeach, it has become a hard habit to break, with People Power as the hardest habit to break. It’s now a Pinoy’s nature to impeach whenever he’s not satisfied with a politician’s job performance, and it doesn’t matter if those politicians happen to be occupying the two highest political thrones in the country—impeached they should be.

If the impeachers succeed, who will then replace the president and his vice? Not the ombudsman who’s facing a disbarment case, definitely not those senators who are in jail, nor the barangay captains who may be replaced by presidential appointees if President Duterte’s plan morphs to reality.

Better seek the help of Pinoy showbiz based on how it’s choosing the next actress to play Darna—artists must have discovered the perfect way of picking replacements by now. Emma Watson was supposed to have the role that eventually went to Emma Stone in “La La Land.” The reason for Watson’s loss: her “crazy demands” and for “being too demanding.” But the official reason released for public consumption is this: Watson was already filming “Beauty and the Beast.”

And Ryan Gosling was offered the role of the Beast but chose to be in “La La Land” instead upon learning that Stone would be in it. This was their third time to work together in a movie, with the first in the 2011 comedy, “Crazy, Stupid, Love,” and in 2013 for “Gangster Squad.” This pair could be a loveteam in Pinoy showbiz, but since they work in Hollywood, they’re merely stars with the most fireworks-worthy chemistry.

Yup, Gosling and Stone would have been the Beast and Belle. But their decision to appear in “La La Land” has been the most perfect of choices indeed—Gosling has a Golden Globe for best actor in a musical or comedy, and Stone is the Oscars’ latest best actress.

Pinoy showbiz, however, is still stuck with searching for the new Darna since Angel Locsin is no longer flying for the role due to back problems. Any old, er, senior-moment citizen can relate with this, but since he is not a potential Darna, his back problem won’t result to a dilemma in the world of show business.

Locsin is young. What’s her, uh, excuse? Her spine injury that no therapy can perfectly cure. I guess she has been advised to prevent further damage, so, no flying as Darna, please.

Vilma Santos, who was Darna once upon a time, can’t be Darna anymore. Because of age? Hmmm. She’s now a congresswoman—let’s start and stop with that.

Locsin is the ex-girlfriend of Luis

“Lucky” Manzano who’s the son of Santos—six degrees of separation right there. Santos used to end each episode of her TV show with, “I love you, Lucky!” If you don’t remember that, it simply means you’re a millennial and was born only yesterday. Hehe.

ABS-CBN has already hinted on the top 12 possible replacements for Locsin: Liza Soberano, Nadine Lustre, Julia Montes, Sarah Geronimo, Maja Salvador, Pia Wurtzbach, Kathryn Bernardo, Arci Munoz, Jessy Mendiola, Yassi Pressman, Anne Curtis, and Ritz Azul.

Ritz who? Hmmm. I gotta feeling the role will go to her, a not-so-famous-yet actress who can inject a fresh approach to Darna.

Take note: the 12 potential Darnas are all beauties. No beasts allowed. Which can be the criterion, too, for the country’s president and vice president—beautiful inside and out. When it comes to politicians, though, beautiful should be defined as only having the best interests of the country in heart, mind and soul. Otherwise, they’re beasts and should, therefore, be impeached? Whew.