Keeping up with the Joneses

HOTELS, restos, retail stores, malls, bars, videoke bars, convenience stores, boutiques, beauty salons, and probably all other business establishments have to keep up with the Joneses otherwise they will be left behind by the Joneses. Any client or customer would notice the difference. Say, if he’s well traveled and he suddenly finds himself in a hotel room with a defective air conditioner, of course he would now start comparing that room with all the other hotel rooms in the world. “Buti pa ang kamalian, napapansin.” Hehe.

No matter how cheap that room is, he would still want that room to be cool. Or else he would demand for a better room and the housekeeping guy assigned to assist him now has to go from one vacant room to another to find the one that fits the standards of the well-traveled man. If such a room doesn’t exist in that hotel, then it’s time for the hotel to start keeping up with the Joneses.

Cell phones and telecoms also have to keep up with the Joneses. People who got hooked with Apple products right from the first product that churned out of its core have become avid fans and have remained rabid fans, never to be lured back to using other products of that kind. They even go ooh and aah over the way Apple packs and wraps its products. Packaging pa lang, convinced na sila.

Telecoms in Pinas are way luckier since Pinoys have become immune to slow internet connections, choppy phone calls, and even text messages that reach other phones several hours later even for a texter and a textee who are seated right beside each other. As to why they’re texting each other while seated beside each other, hmmm, hi-tech much?

Lechon manok stalls also have to keep up with the Joneses as they sprout right next to each other. Simply open a lechon manok outlet on one side of a street and it would go forth and multiply. But this fast multiplication has been replaced by the opening of convenience stores that seem to be everywhere in Cagayan de Oro now as they try to invade places they have not invaded yet, makes you wonder if the sari-sari store could multiply that way, too. Condominium buildings are also sprouting like mushrooms in the city, with at least three under construction along Corrales, two near or within the Limketkai Center area, two uptown, are there any condominiums being constructed that I haven’t heard of?

Makro may have left the city eons ago, could be a victim of being at the right place at the wrong time. Its former location at Kauswagan has since been occupied by Savemore. But there’s another store of the same kind coming soon to this theater of membership shopping. Its name uses only two letters of the alphabet, with that “&” in between, and it’s known for those huge yummy muffins like the red velvet that’s in my fridge now.

I and my high school classmates tried going to its Davao branch, with only one classmate presenting a membership card, and the guard immediately shooed us away. So we stormed into its reception area and demanded to see the manager so we could tell her, How dare you, we are the who’s who of CDO, you have no idea how much money we can throw in here! Ah, hehe.

Nonesidents who try to enter exclusive villages also tend to behave that way at the main gate: How dare you, you have no idea who I am, I won’t go down to the level of showing you my driver’s license!

Imagine what their reaction would be once they learn they have to leave that driver’s license with the security guards.
The exclusive village that can’t provide clean water to its residents also has to keep up with the Joneses such as the subdivisions nearby that at least have clean water. It’s a basic need, it’s not like soda, wine or beer. It’s water. But if it’s colored brown as it spurts out of the faucet, is it trying to appear as chocolate?

And once the homeowners complain about that brown water, the village developer should never be allowed to rebut with, Go find another place to live in. When you buy a property in an exclusive village, it’s because you’re expecting to have the best TLC there, and that includes taking a shower and brushing your teeth with clean water.

But if there’s one thing that’s keeping up with the Joneses, it’s Madonna’s concert. Now that she’s 56 going on 57, she will finally be in Manila in February next year. The ticket rates, however, are way up there, expect her to be performing from the MOA Arena’s rooftop, to escape from the desperate protests of her Pinoy fans.

There are Pinoys who are not exactly her fans but have been watching her concerts and awards shows’ performances on TV or are merely nostalgic for growing up in the ‘80s at the height of her popularity, and they now feel they should watch her concert before she gains dual citizenship–American and senior.

Imagine Pinays in their 40s and 50s at the concert, wearing Madonna outfits–pink cone bra, lacy wedding dress, fingerless lace gloves, corset dress, bustiers, crucifixes, rubber bracelets, hair ribbons–and dancing to “Like a Virgin.” “Touched for the very first time”? Yikes!

For people, however, keeping up with the Joneses can be dangerous to their health. Stress is supposed to be the mother of all diseases and keeping up with the Joneses can be stressful. Imagine buying a Lamborghini for the simple reason that the next-door neighbor has one. If you have no funds for such an ultra-expensive purchase, then it’s time for you to stop keeping up with the Joneses, or else you will have sleepless nights thinking of where to get the money for the monthly payments.

But with the ultraich Manny Pacquiao and wife Jinkee deciding to transfer their kids from an international school in Manila to a private school in General Santos, Pinoys would probably be encouraged to do the same, too. You know, to simplify, go back to the basics. That is, before their suspicious brains start to churn with, Is this a politically motivated move? To gain more fans once Pacman goes for a seat in the Senate?

I’ll be convinced of their simple life only when Jinkee sells her Birkins and donates the proceeds to charity.
Meanwhile, gotta take the pink cone bra out of the kaban…