Psychic discount

SUPERMARKET cashier: “Magpa-discount ka, Ma’am?”
Me (excited about the discount): “Wow! Naay discount?”
Cashier: “Sa senior citizen.”

I now have to check if white hairs are growing out of my nose whenever a cashier asks for my senior citizen ID. This has been happening a lot this year. Cashiers suddenly gain psychic powers when it comes to my age.

So, losing weight has its cons—I now look older than my age. But the smart scale says that my body age is 19 years younger than my actual age. Hmmm. Confusing.

But I’ve noticed, though, that when a man looks at me now, I look at myself, too, to check if my zipper is open or there’s spinach stuck between my teeth or I’m wearing two eyeglasses—one for the eyes, and the other as a headband.

Talk of teeth, dental cleaning used to be every six months. Now, it’s every three months—no thanks to age.

Since some dental procedures need anesthesia, there I was with the left side of my face so numb, gargling at the dental clinic became a challenge as water shot out of the left side of my mouth like the fountain at Gaston Park.

But the tummy was craving for brunch after an 18-hour fast. What to order at the resto? Not bulalo, definitely—the left side of the mouth won’t be able to hold all that liquid in. Something dry then—uh, liempo inihaw. As if I had not been having liempo as a food staple at home. Hard habit to break now, this beef-pork-chicken-fish-eggs menu.

The teeth always feel like they’re fresh from the farm right after a dental cleaning. Let that tongue roam around each tooth—bliss—while hoping the liempo inihaw won’t ruin that, uh, feeling.

A month or so later, the tongue will begin to feel something in between the teeth—hmmm, it’s time to go back to the dentist.

Anyway, here’s the good news: the resto didn’t play any Christmas songs. Instead, it had Bruno Mars as Muzak. “Versace on the floor.” Sigh. It was so nice while waiting for the liempo inihaw. I could savor my food in peace.

But then, Bruno Mars morphed into a bossa nova album, songs that try so hard to produce a bossa nova out of anything. I guess some people do love such songs to help them sleep after a stressful day at the office. Imagine Pearl Jam’s “Even Flow” with a bossa nova rhythm. Ugh.

It was a Tuesday, and by the time I left the mall at about 5 pm, it took us 55 minutes to reach uptown Cagayan de Oro. Almost an hour. It was like traveling from uptown to Laguindingan airport.

If you want to skip the traffic—who doesn’t?—better go malling at 10 am when it opens, and leave for home at 3 pm. If you’re an uptowner, you can always stop by SM uptown for dinner. Masterson Avenue does have its traffic woes, too, but at least the house is nearby already and not across the river.