Cariño brutal

REAL friendship starts when one becomes brutally frank with you. It transcends pleasantries and goes deeper into the realm of raw authenticity.

Be wary of too much sugarcoating. It will not only make you diabetic, but it will make the line between real and fake thinner. We have a Bisayan term for this, “dayeg-dayeg.” When friends do that, that should trigger an alarm warning in your brain. Unless you love being “dayeg-dayeg.”

I’m not saying that we no longer praise. There’s a big difference between praising and sugarcoating. Sugarcoating is excessive praising. It’s like a veiled truth. That’s something we should all know. Give praise where praise is due.

When a person tells you the raw truth, be thankful. He’s sincerely concerned. My colleagues know that about me. I don’t sugarcoat unless (with emphasis on unless) the situation calls for it.

Being brutally frank is telling your friend point-blank the raw truth. If that doesn’t still hit the mark, take out the senior-person card, not the senior citizen card, mind you.

I once told a colleague who was somewhat going in the left direction, “I’m giving you this advice not as a colleague or as a friend but as an older sister.” Well, I think he got the point. He’s going straight now. I hope so, and I’m crossing my fingers.

That is what we call intervention. We intervene to arrest an unbecoming behavior or when one veers off the track. True friends do this. I won’t intervene if I don’t care about you. You may run off with a man old enough to be your father, for all I care. I will not bat an eyelash.

As others may say, “Let someone stew in their own juice.” You reap what you sow.

There’s also a difference between being brazenly brutal and being affectionately brutal. We call it cariño brutal. Do remember that this is out of pure delight and affection and not to mean harm to the other person. It’s not being cruel.

Affectionate brutality is what true friendship is. You deeply care for each other enough to challenge and push the other to grow and become a better person.

Among family members, this kind of banter is playful teasing. There are families like ours wherein it’s hard to get a straight answer. We have this family group chat — comprising Titas, Titos, cousins, nephews, nieces, and grandchildren — where serious questions get a chant of crazy answers.

The brutal truth is that there is no room for candy-glazing in genuine relationships. Colleagues become friends and extended families. Let’s continue wielding our swords of truth no matter how uncomfortable it may be.