The one and only

BY Netnet Camomot

“MAR Roxas: I am ready.”

That was the banner headline of the Philippine Daily Inquirer last May 27.

Ready for what? For love? Life? More kids?

Well, none of the above.

Roxas was merely responding to PNoy’s assurance that he is “at the top of the list” of the potential presidentiables the administration is considering for the 2016 election. That was enough to inspire him to say he is “ready to accept this and continue the ‘straight path’ so that we can continue the good things we have started.”

“Straight path” is of course the “daang matuwid” that has been PNoy’s presidential mantra.

When someone tells you you’re at the top of any list, that means you’re one among many. Or you’re one of at least two choices. One thing for sure: you’re not the only one.

There’s this guy who buys a dozen pieces of a Valentine card that says “you’re my one and only” and sends it to each of his top 12 gals. I guess that’s the same as telling a girl she’s “at the top of the list”? Hmmm.

The best assurance of course is the one that says she’s “the one and only.” Even people who are tasked to introduce guests at an event love to say, “The one! The only!” Because that means there’s no other. There’s no competition anymore––you’re the only contestant. Other wannabes would coil in fear, afraid of your mere presence in the list, so they back out and inadvertently allow you to shine more.

Roxas has not been doing great in the surveys, that is, if you still believe in surveys. Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte may even end up at the top of the list once he finally confirms what his fans have been clamoring for, that he should run as president and make the whole country the perfect copycat of Davao where there’s no smoking, no over-speeding, no fireworks. The city has become dangerous for criminals to make kalat their lagim so they have reportedly left and transferred to criminal-friendly places like… like…

OK, what cities in Pinas can we consider as friendly to criminals? Where crimes remain unsolved, where you’re holding on to your bag each time there are bikers riding-in-tandem or even riding-in-convoy, where hold-uppers have suki establishments that they constantly return to…

Rare is the Philippine city where majority of its residents are behaving like angelic babies.

One of the things that our Puerto Princesa tour guides told us was its “No Littering” policy and the corresponding fines if the Pinoy tourist forgets that the city he’s now visiting does have rules unlike the city where he’s from. There’s no smoking, too, but you pay attention to that rule only when you’re a smoker.

Garbage on a city’s streets is already a hint that things are not working well, that someone is failing in his work as a public official. If the city’s residents and guests are not afraid to throw garbage anywhere they want to, what does that tell you? That it’s a free country? Try driving around the city where you live, does the garbage on its streets and sidewalks still make you cringe?

I don’t know if a secretary of the Department of Interior and Local Government (DILG) has all the powers to make Pinoys’ dreams come true. But the ever reliable (hehe) Wikipedia does describe the DILG as “the executive department of the Philippine government responsible for promoting peace and order, ensuring public safety and strengthening local government capability aimed towards the effective delivery of basic services to the citizenry.”

Does that mean that the DILG secretary a.k.a. Mar Roxas has had his chance to promote peace and order, ensure public safety and strengthen local government capability in effectively delivering basic services to the citizenry? But that’s the Wikipedia definition for the DILG. There could be another description hidden in the bottomless pit of gobbledygook in Philippine government terminologies.

But Roxas could be that kind of guy who doesn’t send “you’re my one and only” Valentine cards to 12 different women, and doesn’t take advantage of his position in asking local government units to help him be the next resident of Malacanang.

PNoy said he will announce the administration’s presidentiable after his State of the Nation Address. So, will it be Roxas, Duterte, or Sen. Grace Poe? Does this sound like “Si Aida o si Lorna o si Fe”?

“O pare ko, o pare ko/Ang kwento ko’y pakinggan mo/Baka sakali ako ay ‘yong matulungan sa problema ko…

“Hindi nila alam, napakahirap dalhin/Tulungan mo ko, pare/Si Aida o si Lorna o si Fe…

“Nalilito kung sino kaya/Sino kaya ang pipiliin…”

Choose the one who can beat the frozen guy. Frozen? His bank accounts were frozen, so…

Based on the latest survey results, Poe has more chances at beating Mr. Frozen. Her surname alone reminds Pinoys of the legacy her father, actor and former presidential candidate Fernando Poe Jr., left behind. But if Roxas will again agree to be a sidekick, er, vice-presidentiable instead of being the lead actor, er, presidentiable, will it be lovelier the second time around? He did the same thing for PNoy in 2010. Deja vu. Kind of always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

If Poe will be the administration’s chosen one, let’s hope the déjà vu ends with Roxas’ vice-presidential candidacy and won’t extend to the “Hello, Garci” scandal.

“Hello, Garci” was the phone call made by the 2004 presidentiable Gloria Arroyo to a Comelec official who allegedly helped in sealing her victory over her main opponent who happened to be Sen. Grace’s father, FPJ. Allegedly. But when Arroyo said, “I’m sorry,” was that a go-signal for us to stop using “allegedly” for this particular scandal?

The 2016 election is almost here. And the only sure-na presidentiable is Mr. Frozen. He was here in Cagayan de Oro where he visited the Carmen public market which I guess has a frozen goods section. He was with his local political ally in a photo that was featured on the front page of this paper. Happy days are here again?

Oh well. “So many questions but the answers are so few.”