Rain or shine

“RAIN or shine/You’ll always be one in a million/My fantasy come true/Rain or shine/It’s you and me/Cut me a heart on a tree and say/It’s for ever, not a year and a day.”

We planned our Wednesday morning walk with the happy thought that it’s going to be sunny. Until a friend asked about our contingency plans. Hmmm. My reply to his query: Offer ta eggs? Thus, there was no rain on Wednesday morning. Thanks to the eggs we offered? But why should it be eggs? Why not, say, hotdogs?

It was only in the afternoon when the raindrops started to fall. When evening came, I started asking Siri, “What’s zero divided by zero?” And she replied, “Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.”

Oh, there’s a lonely world out there for people with no cookies. Hehe. If you have Siri in your phone, try asking her questions like, “What does the fox say?” And there she goes. “Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!” “Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!” “Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!” “Chacha-chacha-chacha-chow!” Or she may turn serious and reply with, “You will never know. The secret of the fox is an ancient mystery.”

Then, order Siri to “Take me to your leader.” And she’ll make you feel like the greatest when she says, “You are my leader.”
Or she’ll go on to assure you that “I thought you were my leader.” If that’s still not enough to convince you, she’ll ask, “But… aren’t you my leader?” Hopefully, she could stop your insecurities with this: “I have no leader other than you.”

The Makati mayor would probably love listening to Siri’s assurances now that he has left the building. The Makati City Hall building, that is. Unless he’s asking her to “Take me to your leader,” and she says, “Shouldn’t I be asking you this?” Is the Makati City Hall one of the buildings his father, Mr. Frozen, is accused of, uh, earning commissions from? But with all the allegations being hurled against their family, the safer question you could now ask Siri is this: Is there a Makati building that’s safe from Mr. Frozen’s alleged greediness?

Mr. Frozen seems to have declared war against PNoy and his administration. That could be his team’s premature campaigning strategy in making the other party look as bad as Caitlyn Jenner in his, er, her wrap dress. Or was that a lacy blue dress, leopard dress, fitted black dress. O my gas. But, wait, Jenner is looking great in all those dresses, he, er, she seems to be more popular now than his, er, her stepdaughter Kim Kardashian.

Jenner’s acceptance of her true self has proven that the truth does set a person free. Mr. Frozen should adopt that as his mantra, it’s even in the Bible: “the truth shall set you free.”

Look how the U.S. Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage has set so many relationships free from curious stares. OK, the curiosity will probably stay for a while especially here in Pinas where the Catholic Church encourages people to go forth and multiply, with the question of course aimed at one phenomenon: how can two men or two women go forth and multiply? Two men have the same, hmmm, instruments. There’s the bolt without the nut. Two women have the, uh, nuts. O my gas. Before the MTRCB reads this, we better switch to responsible programming.

But is that the only issue against same-sex marriage? Or is there more? There are politicians who are stealing from the national treasury and yet Pinoys vote for them and their spouses and children again and again. That’s how plunder becomes possible. Still, Pinoys tend to forgive the corrupt politician but they may not understand why a couple would want for same-sex marriage to be legal in Pinas.

There are many other ways to go forth and multiply, thanks to advances in technology. It’s 2015 now, same-sex marriage is already legal in all the states of the U.S.A. which will celebrate its Fourth of July tomorrow. I gotta feeling the fireworks’ colors will be that of the rainbow flag which is the symbol of gay pride and was described by its creator Gilbert Baker as having hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony and violet for spirit.

Cagayan de Oro’s top two political parties, however, are stuck with the yellow for sunlight and violet for spirit. Unless the been-there-done-that Cagayanon wants to add orange for healing. But the gay pride colors can never go down to the level lurking inside CDO’s political colors. There are times when a Cagayanon can even sense that the city’s yellows, violets and oranges are not proud of their colors as they hop from one political party to another. Yellow today, violet tomorrow. Violet today, yellow tomorrow. Orange today, yellow tomorrow, although there’s chika that the orange and yellow have remained friends and may soon become yellow-orange. Have you ever heard of a color named yellow-violet or violet-yellow? Nope, there’s no such thing, eh?

At least CDO’s political parties have not gone down to the level of accusing each other for being “tamad, usad-pagong at teka-teka” since if ever they’ve done that already, they’d prefer to say it in Cebuano which is the dialect used in CDO. Tapulan! Murag baoo! Pirmi lang gaduhaduha!

Sounds better in CDO’s version of Cebuano, eh? “Tamad, usad-pagong at teka-teka” are Mr. Frozen’s latest vocabulary for the government he’s attacking, somehow forgetting that as the country’s Vice President, he’s still part of that government. He again included “palpak” and “manhid” in that speech. Manny Pacquiao was one of those listening to that speech while Pinoys await his decision to run or not run for the Senate under Mr. Frozen’s party.

Whaaat?! Pacman has not decided yet? He better decide now or else he’ll be among those accused of being “teka-teka.” He should not be like the weather we have now, which has been following one of former Pres. Erap Estrada’s supposedly favorite lines, “weather-weather lang.”