‘Ngitngit pa sa alkitran’

Netnet Camomot

SAMBONG tea for breakfast, ampalaya tea for dinner. Green tea for lunch?

Hot tea is pleasing to the senses. It pours smoothly down the throat, warms the tummy, and alerts the brain to think of happy thoughts.

Happy thoughts are a necessity nowadays to lessen the impact of cardboard justice on our senses. The moment you open Facebook, there’s one more alleged drug user or pusher with a cardboard beside him, to explain the cause of his death, like as if his murderers can’t wait for autopsy results to confirm the obvious. Obviously, at least one person has caused his death, and you now have to wonder if that person also uses drugs.

For the non-cardboard killings, because there are dead bodies without cardboards beside them, you have to ask if a sane or sober person could kill anyone at a moment’s notice. Nagdilim daw ang paningin. Yeah, right.

There’s this oftepeated quote from “Spider-Man”: “With great power comes great responsibility.” Once you own a gun, you now have the power to kill. But what kind of power is that? Killing is quitting on the laws of nature. Can’t wait for nature to take its course. So, shoot.

There are rules on shooting. But let the responsible gun owner give the seminar on that.

Sometimes the reason for gun usage is self-defense. Well, that’s understandable. Even the drug-cooked brain still has the brain to defend itself. Basic human instinct, I guess. Still, that gun has to be in good hands, otherwise… Say, the sharpshooter may achieve a perfect aim on the target but if that target is mobile amidst the madlang pehpohl, collateral damage becomes a possibility, with the sharpshooter wasting bullets and years of sharpshooting training and experience on the innocent. Will he have the heart to now buy more cardboards for the collateral damage? Gosh. That’s a lot of explaining.

Go ask the family of a drug addict what their plans are for him. No, not the drug user who has been doing drugs for less than a year. We are referring to the drug addict who has been at it for many many many years, going in and out of rehab, and whenever he’s out of rehab, he inspires his family to lock their bedrooms’ doors, to hide sharp objects like knives and icepicks in places where he won’t find them, to cower in fear each time he’s home. That kind of drug addict. And if you happen to find him sober, talk with him. Most probably, all he needs is someone to truly listen to his thoughts.

Most people don’t own guns. Instead, they have knives, swords, baseball bats, icepicks, their own hands and feet, and other weapons they can wish will cause mass destruction. Sometimes they hide at least one of these weapons under their pillow, in case the evil kind is able to knock down locked doors in the middle of the night.

But there are Pinoys who now feel safe, thanks to the new administration’s cardboard justice? Hmmm, no, not exactly that. There’s this feeling of, The government is doing its best to protect us? Or it could be honeymoon phase. There are dead people on some streets, but the streets are now clean, no vendors allowed. The president is back to blurting out PIs in his speeches. Nope, not Philippine Islands. His PI has always been for P#$%^&* I@#. But that’s when we get the info directly from the president himself. Philippine National Police Chief Bato dela Rosa has a mascot who may have to represent him during busy days, but the general himself does answer the most difficult questions hounding this new government.

It’s still too early to judge President Rody Duterte’s book by its cover. Wait, this is one book that’s not hiding behind a cover. It has been revealing itself, feel free to read its pages. We’re still in the first few words of the first chapter. Have not even reached the sentences and paragraphs yet.

There’s this video where dela Rosa is answering questions like, “Sir, how to be you po?” He replies, “How to be me? Just be natural. Ayaw pamakak, ayaw pag-atik-atik, ayaw pagplastik-plastik, magpakatotoo ka lang, and you will be me. Mao na ako.”

Question: “Sir mu-rehab pod mog adik sa gugma?” His reply: “Di man na maehab, dong, kay walay intervention ana kanang gugma. Mapugngan pa ang baha nungka ang gugma. So, wa gyud na. Way rehabilitation na.”

Question: “Unsaon pagpugong sa gugma Sir?” Answer: “Ah, ayaw nag pugngi kaysa giingon ko na, mapugngan pang baha nungka ang gugma. Ayawg pugngi na kay makasakit ka sa kasing-kasing ana ba. Delikado na. Ayaw pugngi. Ibuga na. Kung pwede, iutot na lang na!”

Another question: “Sir ngano mas hayag pa imung agtang kaysa ako kaugmaon?” Answer: “Hahaha! Paita. Ngitngit diay imong kaugmaon. Giatay. Ayaw kaguol anang imong kaugmaon kay God will provide. Basta maningkamot lang ka. Ako diay nagtuo ba diay ka nga nagdahom ko nga ma-chief PNP? Huna-huna nako sa una kung si Mar Roxas ang midaog pagka-presidente, ngitngit pas alkitran akong kaugmaon, dong. Ngitngit pa sa alkitran. Busa karon nidaog man si Duterte, nihayag akong kaugmaon, di ba? Tan-awa ra. After the storm, the sun will shine.”

Question: “Kung makit-an nimo si Darna, unsaon nimo siya inig musyagit na siya ug, ‘Ding! Ang bato!’” Answer: “Na, unsaon niya pagtulon nako nga dako man kaayo ko! Di ko niya matulon! Siya akong tunlon. Si Darna akong tunlon.”

One more question: “Kung ang pack lunch kaonon inig kagabie, pack lunch ba gihapoy tawag?” Answer: “Ah, pack dinner na na kay gabii man.”.