‘Status ko’

Netnet Camomot

A WOMAN goes through ages that mark her growth from innocence to reality to maturity. There’s her debut at 18, the wedding at 25, having completed the childbearing years by 30, life begins at 40, 50 is the new 40, 60 is the new 50, 70 is the new…

Or only the debut at 18 is common to all women, and it’s not always celebrated with bonggang-bonggang long gown, ballroom dances, and fireworks. Others, like me, would rather have pizza with college friends at Shakey’s, and Chinese food with dormmates and other friends. I’ve saved the photos—those were much slimmer and longer-hair days.

That 18-year-old doesn’t marry before 30, not even before 40, 50, 60… She doesn’t impose deadlines on her personal life—gotta marry by a certain age, gotta have kids by a certain age. A friend advises her to marry and have kids for it’s going to be a lonely world without a family to go home to, and she’s like, Why?

The supposedly alone and lonely gets used to the quiet at home where all she hears are the tuko and crickets at night, with the chirping of birds waking her up in the morning. There’s that other bird which may wake her up, too—haha! There are nights when an unidentified creature scratches the window screen from the outside, tempting only the most curious to investigate.

She’s much aware of the fact that in the end, only her own self matters. Everyone will be alone anyway, with his own thoughts, regrets, musings. That is, if he remembers every single memory since birth.

A single friend has justified his drinking and hangovers, saying it’s difficult to be single in this oh so cruel world. Too bad he doesn’t realize that being single is simply a status. There’s married, separated, divorced, in a relationship, it’s complicated, single, etc. There’s this box beside each, and you check the most appropriate word to describe your present state. It’s not there to pressure you to hop from one status to another—single today, married tomorrow. Or married today, divorced tomorrow. The grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence. The secret is to not look at the other side of the fence. You have your own side, right here. Focus on that.

Any status is susceptible to issues with alcohol, food, weight, etc. There’s no exclusivity. Go to bars and see who are there. The Philippines happens to be a country where IDs are not required for bar entry, thus, it’s happy hour for anyone above infancy. Caring about the liver doesn’t even pass through the drinker’s thought bubbles. He survives one more day by forgetting about the troubles in this oh so cruel world and that’s all that matters to him.

A woman reaches a certain age where she may not care anymore. Keber. She used to care a lot. But after going through Realization 101 in the last year, anything is possible now. Define friends. Define friendship.

But I still do care about my weight which is inching its way up to fatness again. I had to text Batman aka the wellness coach last Monday. And that’s while having a four-hour dinner at Harbour City SM. My promise to him: I would re-start following his meal plan the next day. The meal plan he gave me last Sept. 3. Gosh. The formerly fat goes through the same struggle as the recovering person with substance use disorder.

It’s not exactly back to zero in the body weight department. At least, I still have access to my fat clothes—have not sent them to my Cebu-based cousin yet. And that’s the problem there. I should have sent them away the moment they began to make me look like a scarecrow. I’m wearing them again, as my gauge in this renewed resolve to reach my ideal weight.

Weight or drinking problems are true for all. They don’t choose a specific status, say, flooding the single with food or drinks to help him forget he’s alone and lonely. Or the married so he can forget he’s still alone and lonely despite the marriage. The status is there as a reminder on how to behave accordingly. The married simply can’t behave like the single, separated or divorced, and he can’t check the box for it’s complicated, for he will always be in a relationship.

The separated or divorced with children is also expected to behave a certain way as a parent. Anyone can say, Keber, but once he has children, he has no other choice but to care for his growing children. He has to take good care of his health for them. He has to remain strong for them.

The single and childless has to take good care of his health, too, since no one is expected to take care of him once he’s old and helpless. But in the end, children could be busy with their own lives, with no time to take care of their aging parents. The best way to prepare for old age must be to ensure you can afford sincere and loyal caregivers when the time comes.

Old age now has such a vast range. If you’re defining friends and friendship, you also have to define old age. Is that 100? 101? 102?

A friend’s mom is almost 90. She has reached that age, thanks to my friend’s constant reminders for her mom to take care of her health, complete with regular medical checkups and a strict diet. Another friend was having problems with that strict diet—she asked, Why? Your mom is almost 90. What are you aiming for, 100? She deserves to eat what she wants!

A centenarian does have perks for it’s still a rare phenomenon to reach 100 amidst the advances in medical technology. Former Councilor Monching Tabor’s mom NanayJovita has reached that age and she joined three other centenarians who were honored during the National Elderly Week in Cagayan de Oro.

Who among us will also reach that age? Well, Wonder Woman is on her way there. She celebrated her 75th year in this oh so wonderful world with the United Nations naming her as Honorary Ambassador for the Empowerment of Women and Girls, proving that only a fictional female character is allowed by this male-dominated world to represent women empowerment.