35 years

Ben Contreras .

TODAY marks our 35th fairly blissful union blessed with two children (boy and girl) who are now grownups.

There is an adage that if at first you fail, try and try again until you succeed. But marriage is a bit different. A failed marriage can be stressful and painful that often leads to separation. Many fear a second relationship afterward and opted to stay single for the rest of their lives. Some remarried and moved on. But having experienced such, one has to make it a learning process taking into consideration why it failed.

Love may be the very foundation of a union but that is not enough. There are a few things that need to go with it to make the union lasting. Respect, honesty, reciprocation, openness and having no qualms to say “I am sorry” when one commits a mistake are just some of the ingredients that contribute to a lasting union.

Somehow, I believe that it is the wife that makes the husband. A man may be the bread winner, traditionally, but it is the woman, the good wife, that holds the family together.

My first marriage didn’t last a decade. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. The ox is no match for a tiger. My second, an ox like me, came about and developed under totally different circumstances. The absence of a serious courtship made it unique in a way. There was something in between that drew us to each other. I can’t even remember saying “I love you” even when we were already into intimate relationship by living together.

We started from scratch and everything was a gamble. Living on a P2,000 monthly salary at that time was simply not enough to start a family. We probably survived because I didn’t go into any serious vice and she was (and still is) not a “gastador” or one who spends so much on unnecessary things. Thrifty she is.

It wasn’t easy, more so when we had our two children already. There was a time when things were really bad, financially. This is one story I would like to share with you.

There was a period of financial crisis that we had to let the kids have their meal first and we made do with their leftovers. One time I asked her, “Wala ka ba magbasul nga miuban kanako?” And she said, “Nganong nangutana ka ana?” I said, “Lisud man kaayo ta ron.” And she retorted, “Ngano, pagsugod nato, naa ba diay ta’g kuliro?”

Indeed, we started with nothing, not a centavo in bank savings. It was a gamble but it paid off.

My brother, the youngest in the family, once called me a survivor. Maybe he is right. I just work and work, making the best out of any opportunity that comes along. Had I engaged in vices, that would have been a lot different.

Of course, my siblings have always been there for me. The blessings I got from them helped a lot. It was that kind of blessing that I admonished my children to replicate when they become successful in life.

Our plan to celebrate our 35th has unfortunately been hampered (health reasons). We originally planned to go to Davao by land and visit nice places along the way. A week-long sightseeing trip would have been it. Well, it’s going to be a quiet celebration with families just the same.

To my fellow husbands, you don’t have to love your wife too much or less. Just reciprocate.

To my Flora, thank you for the 35 years of love. I love you.