Don’t stop believin’

Netnet Camomot .

WHEN a Pinoy has sumpong, he may blurt out p***ng in* while frying weevils and sprinkling them on his unliice.

But after Super Typhoon Ompong, let’s see—pronounced as that Spanish word for milk—if he can still afford to have sumpong.

The Pinoy has to remain optimistic despite the weather and the weather-weather-lang phenomenon.

But in case your brain has stopped functioning after reading the term, unliice, here’s good news: Yes, some restos still offer unliice, thus, proving that the so-called rice crisis is merely a figment of the rice cartel’s weevil-infested imagination.

If only an iPhone can replace rice as the Pinoy’s staple. iPhone XS, iPhone XS Max and iPhone XR will soon be available at an Apple store near you and there’s at least one Pinoy lining up for one of these gadgets instead of panic-buying the much coveted rice.

The Pinoy’s constant cravings have to be flexible so he can easily adapt to the absence of a particular food group from his daily menu. Say, if there’s no rice, he can switch to quinoa.

Ay, dili corn? Quinoa gyud? Hehe.

If you used to drink milk and are now into soy milk, surely you’ll survive through the rice crisis.

Remember fourth grade when all you wanted for recess was Chippy? Thirty years later and here you are, afraid of Chippy’s consequences: water retention and hypertension. A noice diet is possible, too, once its price soars to infinity and beyond. There are things one can live without.

Some of President Rody Duterte’s non-fans must be thinking the same way but with an entirely different set of “things” that they can live without—such as Presidential Communications Assistant Secretary Mocha Uson and blogger Drew Olivar.

Last month, this duo had their “i-pepe-dedealismo” video.

This time, they’re making fun of the sign language.

I gotta feeling their role is to wag the dog, kind of the administration’s jesters. While rescuers were trying to find survivors of the landslide in Itogon, Benguet, here’s the Pinoy reacting to Uson and Olivar’s sign-language video. Tsk tsk.

Those buried in the landslide are—were?—miners. Mining plus super typhoon equals landslide. No need to dig deeper into its cause? Hmmm.

In this country where we’re often reminded by presidential spokesperson Harry Roque that the president may not be serious with his statements—“Let’s not take his word always literally”—digging deeper simply means finding out the real story behind the headlines.

Duterte is the perfect example of “actions speak louder than words.” So, try ignoring his comments and focus instead on what he does. He was indeed serious when he declared a war on drugs. If you need more convincing in that department, there’s Tokhang and the extrajudicial killings.

Duterte has been shocking people with his brutal frankness. He’s politically incorrect and, for a while there, his comments were amusing even to his non-fans.

Now, his non-fans cringe whenever they hear him speak. They can’t imagine listening to him for four more years. It so happened that former President Noynoy Aquino was always politically correct, so, the distinction between the two is as pronounced as yellow versus, uh, what’s Duterte’s political color?

The yellows have always been yellow since Aug. 21, 1983 when Ninoy Aquino was assassinated. That’s called branding.

But Duterte is not into political colors. He doesn’t wear a political party lapel pin or ribbon on his shirt. He welcomes all political parties into his fold although it may look like he prefers the Marcoses over the yellows.

Duterte’s popularity will be tested in next year’s midterm elections. If his candidates will win, well, sure na.

The yellows have already revealed their possible senatoriables that include former presidentiable Mar Roxas whose theme song must be, “Don’t stop believin’/Hold on to the feelin’.”

Other formers in the yellow list are former Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno, former presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda, former Social Welfare Secretary Corazon “Dinky” Soliman and former Chief Justice Hilario Davide Jr.

Also in the list are the rabid, er, avid anti-Duterte in showbiz: Jim Paredes, Agot Isidro and Leah Navarro.

And the cherry on top of the icing on the yellow cake is Dingdong Dantes. Yay?

The administration should now convince its shy potential candidates to please join the 2019 electoral fray to prove that it’s indeed more fun in the Philippines.

Will weevils and rising rice prices be the issues in Election 2019? Hmmm. Abangan.