Veil of absence

NO, it’s not a typo error. I don’t mean a leave of absence. We just had a two-day mid-week holiday. I don’t think I need another.

Have you ever had that feeling of being far away from yourself? You’re there but not there kind of feeling.

Veil of absence. I call it that because it hides your absence. It’s that feeling of being physically present, but your mind is somewhere. You’re perfectly conversing, yet your brain is busy thinking of other things.

Imagine yourself standing in a room surrounded by people. Conversations flow, and you respond most rationally, but your thoughts dance to their rhythm. Your ideas are dancing to a silent waltz.

I felt that today for a few fleeting seconds. I was walking towards my officemates and was saying, “I felt like I was away.” It prompted Rodel to say, “What?” to which I hastily replied, “I’m not crazy. Don’t even think about it.” I whispered to Shiela that Rodel might be thinking I was getting crazy. Oh well, some days we are. Not clinically, though.

Was it because it’s a leap year? Is it because of a lack of coffee? But no, I just had two, and I’m starting with my third cup courtesy of Miss Jing. I feel like I’m just rambling here. Not good—just when I got a compliment from my Editor-in-Chief. A “wow” feeling to be complimented by Cong. He’s one heck of an EIC.

When you try to listen to yourself, it’s chaos inside your head. You don’t hear voices, but you seem to feel that it’s noisy and loud. Maybe, because it’s a month-end and everything becomes rushed.

Others may call it daydreaming. It’s far from it. In daydreaming, your mind is detached from the present and wanders somewhere. In the veil of absence, it’s like your mind is multi-tasking. It’s not craziness, mind you.

Chaos inside your brain doesn’t mean you can’t think clearly. You only need to make a mental compartment for those ideas and thoughts. There are different ways of compartmentalizing. It can be by the level of importance, urgency, subject matter, and more. It’s like a library.

However, what also works best for me is to write down my ideas in a notebook. Your phone or other mobile gadgets also have a journal application if you’re not old-school.

If you experience being far away from yourself, don’t panic. Embrace the veil. It’s not madness. Waltz your way to the art of juggling those myriad ideas.