Soggy bottom blues

Rhona Canoy .

SO… My goodness! The breadth and lack-of-depth of discussion regarding the SOGIE bill is ludicrous. It seems to be what’s foremost on people’s minds, the global disaster of the Amazon rainforest burning notwithstanding. Just goes to show us piddly humans how misplaced our priorities can be sometimes. The micro-aggression that reveals itself in your opinions is showing, people.

It doesn’t matter how hard you try to appear fair and empathic. It shows. People claiming that they respect the LGBTQ community, but that they are being entitled in fighting for rights–all in the same breath–is micro-agression, folks. People saying, “I have very dear friends who are LGBTQ, but they should use their own bathrooms based on body parts” is micro-aggression. If you’re against it, be against it. Don’t justify your view with lots of strangely convoluted logic or religious claims.

What really is the issue here? That people who identify as female or male (regardless of sexual equipment) should or shouldn’t be allowed to use what they consider their gender-appropriate bathrooms? I would think the most basic argument is the right of people to pee or poo in public bathrooms. Maybe it’s time for us to reconsider the validity of gender exclusive bathrooms. This is very discriminatory. And adding one more classification of bathroom doesn’t make it any less. Wasn’t this practice started centuries ago, by men who wanted to protect their women’s virtue? These days, one would be hard put to find a virgin (either male or female) over the age of 15 or 16. That’s the painful and horrible (for parents) truth.

That’s why I much appreciate public venues like small restaurants and cafes that only have room for one bathroom, which means everybody has to use the same one. I think the question that bothers most people is the fact that males and females would have to share a bathroom. If you were to ask me (and this column gives me the right to spew my opinion), I have a bigger problem with other women using the same bathroom that I use. If men could see how women misappropriate the public toilets, they would definitely be less sexually attracted.

Women’s public bathrooms are scary. Some women will squat on the toilet porcelain because they’re afraid to catch an STD from the toilet seats. In the process, leaving mud and germs from their footwear on the rim of the toilet bowl. In the process, splattering pee all over the place–because women can’t aim where the golden liquid flows. In this area, men are better equipped. Which, of course, begs the question–why the hell can’t men aim their equipment accurately? But that’s another issue altogether.

Women will leave tissue paper anywhere. For some reason there seems to be a problem making sure it ends up in the trash receptacle. And women (those who wash their hands perfunctorily after the deed) will also splatter all over the sink area, leaving it wet and grody for the person who shall use it after. So what really is the problem? I have found in my life that most transgender women are more particular with cleanliness in public restrooms. They are more apt to throw things in trash. They are more apt to leave no liquid splatter of any kind anywhere. Try going into an airplane toilet after a woman has used it. One is forced to do some custodial cleaning before one can even go about one’s business.

Men, you seem to be the ones raising the most hell over the SOGIE issue. And are fixated on the bathroom aspect of it. Are you concerned that the trannies will share a toilet with your women? Aren’t you usually concerned about whether the trannies will do sexual things you in the men’s bathroom? Isn’t that what you’re homophobic about? So having them use the women’s toilet should lessen your imaginary fears, ’no? And let’s not even get biblical about this. Nowhere in that book does it say that males and females can’t share a bathroom. So what really is the issue? Really?

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were only one public bathroom for all? With a toilet bowl sign on the door? Instead of those men and women caricatures that are supposed to tell us who we are? All we would have to do is make sure that each single toilet is in a completely walled up room, with a secure lock on the door. Actually those cubicles they have now are functional if I didn’t have to wonder whether some creep (biologically male or female) were to stand up on the toilet and peer over the partition to check me out. I know I would be sorely tempted to peer if I knew the man in the next stall was superbly hot.

Maybe the bathrooms would be cleaner then, because everybody would have to be considerate to the next user. Besides, science has already proven beyond all doubt that a female can’t get pregnant from sitting on the toilet bowl. Unless a male is there with you. In which case, the dastardly deed would be having two people in a stall meant for just one. And the final besides–we share the same bathroom at home with all kinds of people. If you can let a guest trannie use your toilet at home, what’s the problem with letting them use the bathroom they prefer in public? There are some homes where I would refuse to use their bathroom for personal judgmental reasons of my own.

If this SOGIE argument keeps up, I just may (one day very soon) go and use the men’s public restroom if the line in the women’s toilet is too long. I’ve always wanted to know what goes on in there.