Top 5

By Netnet Camomot

THERE’S this Facebook post on the Top 5 Killer Foods: fried chicken, instant noodles, soft drinks, hotdogs, and French fries.

So, if you had hotdog for breakfast, instant noodles for lunch, French fries and soft drinks for snacks, and fried chicken for dinner, don’t expect your health to become wealth.

But for two consecutive days, I had burger, fries, and diet soda for dinner. Well, at least the Top 5 doesn’t include burgers.

Hunger should be the physical kind so it can be sated with food. Emotional hunger can never be sated with food—instead, it needs meditation, prayers, or whatever works for you.

This is a cruel world we live in, that is, if that’s how we see this world we live in. There are always people and moments, though, that will convince us it’s a wonderful world, if only we give it a chance to be. And Cagayan de Oro is definitely on its way to be a wonderful world which happens to be the most important lyrics in Mayor Oscar Moreno’s favorite song: “I see trees of green, red roses too/I see them bloom for me and you/And I think to myself what a wonderful world.”

In case you haven’t noticed, the city has sidewalks now, thanks to city hall’s constant clearing. No more Bisaya chickens on that space along Limketkai Drive near Pearlmont Hotel. Yay!

It was in the latest State of the Nation Address that President Rody Duterte gave the order to “reclaim public roads,” and the Department of the Interior and Local Government (DILG) then issued Memorandum Circular 2019-121 to give local government units 60 days to clear streets of obstruction. The first deadline was set at 45 days but Metro Manila mayors requested for an extension, thus, the 60 days, with Sept. 29, 2019 as the new deadline.

Despite the extension, more than 100 Manila barangays have not cleared their streets and sidewalks yet. Hmmm. Each of Manila Mayor Isko Moreno’s Facebook Live posts has at least 10,000 likes, is it safe to guess that the captains of the more than 100 barangays are not among those liking his posts?

Because if you’re now giving the mayor problems instead of solutions, it could mean you don’t like him. Or you don’t like the city or the municipality he’s leading. Or you want to be mayor, if only you won in the last election. Or if only your minion won in the last election. But you lost, or the minion lost, and you now want to prove to the madlang pehpohl that the winning mayor can’t make you clean your space.

But it was Duterte who gave the order to clean your space. Should the mayor now report you to Duterte for failing to follow the presidential order?

The Cagayanon complains about the traffic at the Cogon area once the Night Market is there. Like night swimming, a night market doesn’t sprout during the daytime but in the evening when there’s presumably less traffic. Or, in the case of night swimming, when darkness can help hide the bilbil, mile-wide hips, and cottage-cheese thighs.

The Cogon Night Market is supposed to start at 7 pm. But the street vendors allegedly begin setting up their stalls and goods at 4 pm when traffic can still be at its worst in CDO, er, CdeO. So, they worsen the traffic and the wise Cagayanon has learned to avoid Cogon once it’s 4 pm.

Is the Night Market excluded from the city’s clearing operations? That is, if it’s still there.

Like the famous bank, the Cagayanon has also learned to find ways to avoid the traffic, and it could mean flying via the P2-billion Gulfstream G280 which will be Duterte’s travel plane once it’s delivered next year but only “in the event of a crisis situation” as justified by Arsenio Andolong, director of the Department of National Defense’s Public Affairs Service (source: ABS-CBN News).

Presidential spokesperson Salvador Panelo said the Gulfstream G280 “has a capability better than the ordinary. It requires a short runway.” But wider streets? Now we know why Duterte wants no obstructions on streets and sidewalks. Hehe.

Duterte’s trips abroad have been criticized for including people whose questionable roles in these official trips have remained, well, questionable. Perhaps their role is to augment the foreign country’s income as these questionable travel companions seem to love shopping, and to promote that foreign country’s tourism as these travellers love to post travel photos on Facebook. We can only wish they’re also promoting Pinas’ tourist spots and homegrown products while they’re feeling relevant under Duterte’s presidential aura.

Well, Duterte may now be able to list his Top 5 Travel Boo-boos, with loose ties as No. 1: loose ties for his necktie, and loose ties for his questionable travel companions.